Funny things Noah says

My sweet friend Belinda inspired me to start posting the funny things that Noah says on a daily basis. I had the amazing opportunity to work with Belinda and everyday I would come in to the office with a funny little something Noah said that morning or the night before. She kept telling me, "Ashley you need to write this stuff down...Someday you'll forget it." She was right. I have forgotten a lot of the cute stuff he says. But now I'm putting pen to paper or rather fingers to keys and I won't forget.
 Sometimes he just says sweet things...sometimes funny things....often embarrassing things. He makes me laugh and I love him for it.

~Noah was getting dressed one day and he called me in to his room. He was VERY upset and worried. Our conversation went something like this:
Noah: Something is wrong with my pee pee!!!
Me: What? Does it hurt?
Noah: No, but there are these two things stuck to it! (points to his testicles)
Me: (trying not to laugh and be serious) You're supposed to have those. You've always had them. Your privates have two parts. Your penis and your testicles.
Noah: No, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to have these!
Me: I promise, all boys have them. It's normal.
Noah: Ok... 
He would kill me if he knew I shared that story, but since he doesn't read my blog I think I'm safe ;)

~One day Joey had on a red polo and khaki pants. We were all leaving to go meet with our real estate agent and Noah says: Mommy does daddy work at state farm? lol We could not stop laughing!!!!

~Noah was taking a bath and says to me as I'm bringing him pajamas:
Noah: Did you know that pee smells like garlic?
Me: Do you even know what garlic smells like?
Noah: Yes...Pee.

While watching a t.v. show called Jessie:
Noah: Bertram runs like this because he's fat. (proceeds to run like Bertram)
Me: Noah it's not nice to call people fat.
Noah: Well he is fat.
Me: How would it make you feel if someone said something about you that might hurt your feelings?
Noah: I would be sad.
Me: Ok, well you should always think about what you say before you say it so you don't hurt someone's feelings.
Noah: Ya, but this doesn't even count because he's on t.v. and he can't even hear me.
We then had a conversation about how it doesn't matter if they can hear you or not, it's still not nice.

While waiting in line at the library:
Noah: Hey! How come all these old people are cutting us?!?
I was so embarrassed! Through gritted teeth I explained to Noah that, that was not very nice to say and we had to wait there because only one of the library workers  was able to process our new cards. We had to wait for her line to open and that's why we were NICELY letting people go around us.

~We were shopping and I was looking for one of those little squeegee things. I found one that was $8 dollars and put it back on the shelf.
Noah: Why aren't you getting it? Don't you need it?
Me: I don't want to pay $8 for it. I can get it cheaper than that.
Noah: (opens his wallet and starts counting his money...he brought it with him to buy a toy.) Well if I buy it for you will I still have enough to buy a toy.
Me: (completely in love with this sweet boy) Thank you very much for wanting to buy it for me but $8 is a lot for a little squeegee. I don't want you to spend $8 on it either.
Then there were hugs and lots of happy loving mommy feelings.

~I give Noah a cinnamon roll for breakfast. It has LOTS of icing. 
Noah: I don't like this kind.
Me: What do you mean you don't like it. It's a cinnamon roll.
Noah: Well, you usually give me the kind with a 6 in it because I'm 6.
Me: (I have no idea what he is talking about I have never given him a CR with a # in it)
Me: I'm confused. CR's don't have numbers on them.
Noah: Yes they do! They look like this( swirls his finger around on the top of the CR)
Me: Oh...That's not a number on the CR that's just a swirl in the dough.... (scrape off some icing and show him the swirl/six)
Noah: Well it looked like a six to me....

While eating at McDonalds one day Noah says he wants to work at McDonalds when he grows up so he can be rich. I told him he might be rich if he owned McDonalds but probably not if he just worked there. Then he said. "Ya, but you would have so much food. If you were hungry you could just grab some food and eat it. Just like if you were working at Walmart and needed a snack you could pick something and eat it." 

One day Noah said to me, "Pregnant ladies have big bellies because it's hard for them to poop and pee when the baby is in their tummy, so They have to just hold it all in."

While decorating for Halloween
What I thought Noah said: It's about to be more wieners in this house!
What he actually said: It's about to be more Halloweener in this house!

Noah: Have you ever been fired?
Me: No.
Noah: Do you know what get fired means?
Me: Yes, it means you lose your job.
Noah: Ya like if you don't follow the rules. AND YOU are fired now. You didn't put the trash bag in the trash can and you told daddy that whoever takes the trash out puts the bag in.
Me: I'm ok with being fired from taking out the trash...

While waiting in line at Walmart
Noah: (Very LOUDLY as always) I wonder if people think I'm just a kid or a real small midget...
Once again I was embarrassed in a store...and had to explain to Noah that midget isn't a nice thing to say.  

I'm sure there will be plenty more...