Thursday, March 26, 2015


Making new friends as an adult is hard. We're grown ups. We have so many responsibilities and obligations. We're busy.

Kids have it easy. Think back to when you were very small. Mom takes you to the playground. You run around like a crazy person until you find someone about your size.

"Hey wanna be friends and play?"

Bam! New best friend.

Try that as a grown up. Go ahead. Push your cart around the grocery store. Casually walk up to someone.

"Hey! I see you're buying chips! I also like chips. Want to hang out and be friends?"

Nope.... Now you're a weirdo.

We have to wait to be introduced to someone. We hope that we'll meet someone in that moms group or at our new job.

You know how they have apps for single people? They should do that but for friends. Although, that might be a little sad and depressing.

I went through a time where I had no one to really hang out with or vent to. That was really hard. Girls NEED girlfriends. We need someone to call and talk to or grab coffee with. We just do. I am very grateful for the ladies I now call my friends. I'm tearing up just thinking about them. I can count on them 100% to be there for me. I love them. I know God has prepared them for me. I met each of them at a time when I needed them most. We quickly formed bonds and I appreciate them so much.

I also now realize, being the much older more mature person that I am.... lol, just how valuable a true friend is. Quality is more important than quantity. I'd rather have just one friend I can call at 3am with a problem and know they'll be there than have 50 girls with my number that won't pick up because they're not really invested in me.

You need friends that care about you. You need ones that have your best interest in mind. If your "friend" makes you feel bad about yourself, puts you in situations you're not comfortable with, or isn't reliable when you need them then they probably aren't your friend. Sometimes we can be around someone for a long time and become attached to them even if they aren't good for us. I've been hurt many times by people I REALLY thought were my friends. Looking back I can now see that I was pouring more of myself into those relationships than they were.

If you have great friends, hold on to them. Spend time nourishing those relationships. If you don't well there's always the grocery store....
Kidding!!! You'll meet them in unexpected places. You'll be amazed by how they change your life.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015



I love being married. It can be hard, yes. Most of the time things that a great and amazing are going to take work. Marriage included. You can't just say "I do" and hit autopilot. You have to be present and willing work at it.  When you do amazing things can happen. There are so many things I love about it and have learned from it.

 ~ Having someone to laugh and talk with just before I go to sleep. We joke and laugh about the stupidest things. We talk about the funny things the kids did that day, things we need to get done,  funny things, dumb things, important things...

~ Learning to let little things go. This has been hard for me and sometimes still is. Being married has taught me a lot about choosing my battles lol

~ I have someone I can always count on. Even if he's driving me crazy or I'm driving him crazy we can depend on one another.

~ Just because there are hard times does not mean it's over. We were almost divorced. It was a sad and awful time. In a strange way I'm grateful for that terrible part of our life though. It showed me just how badly I wanted my marriage to work and how much I really loved my husband. It taught me to fight for what I wanted and not give up.

~ Having someone to put the air in my tires. Ya, I know... it's the little things.

~ No marriage is perfect or without flaws. See that happy couple holding hands and laughing? You might think they have it all figured out. No problems there. Perhaps they've just made up after an argument though... Trust me sit with a group of girls for a while and you'll quickly see no one has this marriage thing completely figured out.

~ You can fall in love with the same person more than once! I've fallen more and more in love with my husband throughout our marriage. When he does something kind. When I see him playing with the kids. When he makes me laugh until my eyes tear up. My heart grows a little more each time.

~ I don't have to be perfect.  I'm messy. I'm not always put together. I lose my temper. I'm a work in progress and that's okay. He loves me anyway. =)

~I have a forever friend.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015


Almost a month ago my grandfather passed away. On February 14th, Valentines Day of all days, I boarded a plane with my mom to fly to Washington. He was admitted to the hospital for complications after surgery for a bowel obstruction. Things went downhill so quickly. When we arrived we went to the ICU and my heart was crushed. We knew things were bad but we didn't realize just how bad until we saw him. So many wires. So many tubes. There was a machine helping him breathe. It was close to 10 pm. The nurse paged the doctor to meet with us.

He explained that The machine was providing all of his oxygen. Every time they removed it to wipe the mask out his oxygen levels dropped very quickly. He told us my grandpa was getting worse and would not improve. All the measures they were taking would prolong his passing but not stop it. My grandpa had previously signed a DNR as well as stating that he did not wish for extraordinary measures be taken to keep him alive. We knew he wouldn't want to live the rest of remaining days this way. Although the machine was helping him breathe it was terrible gasping breath. We couldn't do that to him. We made the difficult decision to let him go.

I said goodbye to him not knowing whether or not he could hear me. The nurses told us he had been unresponsive since being admitted to the ICU. I left the room. My mom stayed with him. I just couldn't...   They gave him more pain medicine so he would be comfortable the entire time and removed his breathing mask. 10 minutes later my mom was walking down the hallway with his belongings. He was gone. The nurse said just before he passed he looked at my mom and smiled. I'm so grateful that she had that moment of comfort. He was not in good health. He hadn't been for a long time. His days were filled with pain and depression. He's now in a place filled with light and joy.

I miss him. He was smart. He was funny. He had great stories to share. He was just a great person. I'd like to just hear him laugh. I spent a week in Washington with my mom, brother, and sister, We sorted through the pieces of his past. There were so many amazing things in his home that we never knew existed. As we went through boxes in the basement we found amazing photos of people in our family. We found REALLY old collections of Shakespeare. We found things my great grandpa kept from WWII. Things that if I knew the were there I would have asked my grandpa about. Now I can't. I don't know why he didn't share the stories behind the things we found. It felt like we were learning more and more about him though. It made me realize that as much as I thought I knew him there was still so much more to find out.

I love him. I can't wait to see him again someday.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

What parenting a toddler is like.

While I gave our new puppy a quick bath in the sink Emily notices she can't see the action. She begins loudly expressing her unhappiness about this situation. Calmly telling her I would show her the puppy in a minute didn't help. Out of anger she began tugging on my pants. My stretchy yoga never go to yoga pants. I can't let go of the puppy because she'll run all over the counter and my hands are wet. So there I am pant-less, in the kitchen, bathing a wiggly puppy, while a screaming toddler clings to my leg. Yep. parenting a toddler is just like that.

It's like raking leaves in a tornado most days. What are you doing tiny person? Why are you so messy? Why are you sticky? We haven't even eaten anything sticky today. Of course there are calm sweet moments but the crazy stress you out times are the ones I laugh at most....because you really just have to.

Emily appears to want cheese in the picture above. She crawls to the fridge every time it is open and snatches a cheese stick. Then she throws a fit because she wants it open. She wants it on her tray. She wants cheese!!!! But not really. After all the fit throwing and demanding the cheese sits on her tray never to be touched. She used to love cheese. I feel like she's doing this on purpose, to mess with my head some.

Emily expresses anger through licking. Yes. Licking. When she's mad she will lick the floor, the fridge, the cabinets, the couch, whatever is closest to her. I've never heard of a kid doing this. I guess it's better than biting?

I like to think I'm the boss but deep down I know she is. I wake up when she wakes up. I eat when she eats. If she wants to play we play. I'm just soaking up all of her crazy toddler moments because soon they'll be gone. She's already not a baby anymore. Time goes by way too quickly.
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