Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Write or Die Wednesday - Photo Prompt

Write or Die Wednesdays

Today's prompt was a photo:

Laura sat on the back porch staring out into the field. She once thought the view was beautiful. Who wouldn't? 
Lush green grass. Bright morning sun. Puffy white topped dandelions as far as the eye can see. 
The passing of her father changed her outlook on the world. In the grass she now only saw the disgusting bugs crawling and burrowing into the ground. The sun blinded her and stung her eyes. The dandelions were merely annoying weeds, their tips carrying off into the wind to spread over someone else land. She hated everything about this place now. There could be no joy without his laughter. No smiles without his warm hugs and kind words. Who was going to pick her up after school and help with her math? Her mom was awful with math. How many times had they sat in this very spot and tried to count all the dandelions? Now they'd never finish counting. Tears welled within her eyes and her heart filled with sorrow. As the hot tears spilled into her hands she felt her mothers arms fold around her. 

"Little girls don't lose their daddies." she cried
"No Laura, they shouldn't." her mother replied as she tightened her arms around her
"We won't know how many dandelions there are."
"No. But the Lord knows and now I bet your daddy does too. I bet hes watching over you now and wishes he could tell you."

Her mother took her by the hand and together they walked far out into the field. Out until the house became small and everything was quiet. She placed a blanket on the ground and they lay staring up at the sky surrounded by puffy tipped dandelions. The wind picked up, the white tips swirled around them, and it was beautiful.

Now go link up!!!!!  The Chronicles of Chaos and Shelly's Cabaret 

Monday, November 3, 2014

This sucks

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  I suck at this. I really truly do. I can not find a way to balance it all. Maybe some women are cut out to juggle mommy responsibilities and work, but I am not. While I am good at my job and I enjoy what I do, I am falling short in so many mommy areas. I forget about school events. I forget to pack lunches. I forget to remind Noah about his big projects...or sometimes to buy the supplies he needs for them. "Oh today is the school assembly....sorry I can't go because I forgot all about it and neglected to ask for the time off". I am terrible at this!  I honestly thought things would be better by now. Nope.

   I don't cook. I don't clean. I don't have time for any of it. I get home around 6 at night. Just in time to quickly feed the kids.....something. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who has usually already fed them. Then it's time for baths and to get the kids ready for bed. I usually eat dinner around 8. If you count eating tons of snacks as dinner. I think what bothers me most is that my children are suffering because of it. At least I think so. I don't have time to sit with Noah and go over his homework each night. I don't have time to sit and study with him like I used to. I know he would be doing so much better in school if I did. I'm missing out on time to snuggle and play with Emily. I HATE that she is constantly sick because of the awful daycare germs. Then I hate that I wrestle with "Does she really need to go to the doctor?" "Maybe I can give her medicine and send her to daycare?" If she stays home or if we keep Noah home one of us has to miss work. I can't possibly miss 2 or 3 days a week...AND that is how often she's sick.

Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had BUT it is my absolute favorite.  It really IS the most rewarding. I love being able to keep the house clean. I love to cook. I love dealing with my crazy kids each and everyday. As tired and worn out as I was at the end of the day it was a satisfied  embracing tiredness. Now at the end of the day I feel a guilty deep saddening tiredness.  Right now it's very had to see the light of what seems to be an endless tunnel.
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