Tuesday, May 20, 2014

How quickly I fall

Quick recap of Sunday night. Noah puked EVERYWHERE in his room. I have never cleaned up so much puke in my life. I spent a good 3 hours cleaning him and his room. This all after a day of listening to him tell me how mean I am. Apparently when he does something bad and gets in trouble it's MY fault when he gets grounded. Why wouldn't it be? His biggest problem is simply not listening. I tell him to do something and he doesn't do it or half does it. I tell him he has 10 minutes before he needs to brush his teeth for bed and 20 minutes later he's trying to negotiate staying up longer. I MAKE THE RULES! YOU FOLLOW THEM! It really isn't that hard.

After restoring his room to it's previous non smelly state and telling him goodnight again he tells me how much he loves me. He tells me thank you for taking care of him. I let him stay home from school just to be sure he was over his yuckiness. All day he was very kind and helpful...until.  UNTIL I told him he had played the computer enough for the day. You would have thought I'd told him to remove all of his fingernails. Immediately I went from loved and cherished mommy to evil mean lady. How quickly I fell from that pedestal. Now I'm under it. I'm being squashed by it again.  Seriously?!? After all the crap I do!

It really wears on me. I'm so tired of him acting like this. He has rules. He knows the consequences if he doesn't follow them. I feel like I've written this same thing over and over again. I try talking calmly about his behavior. I yell, which I know is bad. I try everything I can think of and still I come out the bad guy. If he behaved he wouldn't be in trouble. Our rules aren't even that strict. I talk to my sister a lot about this. My nephew is the same age and we both have problems with the boys. I really hope this is just some defiant phase. When he's mad he says he'd like to go live somewhere else. Sometimes I'd like that too. Sometimes it's just too much. I'd never actually make him go anywhere. I love him too much. I just need him to stop. I need him to listen. I'm not asking to be up on the pedestal. I just don't want to be underneath it. I'd be happy to hang from the edge. Happy to just not have him tell me how awful I am.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Conjured - Book Review

I read this book as part of the Summer 2014 Book Challenge.

This was my book for the category "Finish reading a book you couldn't finish the first time around. (You must have at least 150 pages left in the book to use it for this category.)"

I started reading this book and put it down because It wasn't really grabbing me. Plus I had Gone Girl waiting on my end table and I REALLY couldn't ignore it.
Synopsis from Goodreads:

Eve has a new home, a new face, and a new name—but no memories of her past. She’s been told that she's in a witness protection program. That she escaped a dangerous magic-wielding serial killer who still hunts her. The only thing she knows for sure is that there is something horrifying in her memories the people hiding her want to access—and there is nothing they won’t say—or do—to her to get her to remember.

At night she dreams of a tattered carnival tent and buttons being sewn into her skin. But during the day, she shelves books at the local library, trying to not let anyone know that she can do things—things like change the color of her eyes or walk through walls. When she does use her strange powers, she blacks out and is drawn into terrifying visions, returning to find that days or weeks have passed—and she’s lost all short-term memories. Eve must find out who and what she really is before the killer finds her—but the truth may be more dangerous than anyone could have ever imagined.

I didn't love this book. I didn't hate it. It was just okay.  I really wanted to love it. It had potential to be a great story, but it fell flat. The beginning of the book is pretty boring. You are fed just enough new information about the case the keep it mildly interesting. It really only picks up towards the very end. The last chapters are fact paced and keep you turning the pages. They don't make up for the long drawn out beginning though. I did enjoy all of the magic in the story and even the scary nightmares Eve has. Eve has a lot of visions throughout the book. She can't tell if the are memories or dreams. These were very confusing for me sometimes. She is sometimes herself in the visions and sometimes sees herself as other people.  Maybe they were supposed to be confusing to us because they are also confusing for Eve? I didn't feel connected to the characters in this book. That's something pretty important to me. I need to feel like they could be real. I want it to seem as if I could actually know them. I didn't think the magical worlds were fleshed out enough. The descriptions seemed too rushed and didn't help me "see" the settings of the story.  So while I had hope that picking up this book again would find me a new favorite. It didn't.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Cleaning... I need magic!

 I feel like my life revolves around cleaning. I have a cleaning schedule, but it still feels like the house is always a mess. I clean the floors and 10 minutes later there are paw prints and specs of dirt everywhere.How does this happen!!!???!!!

Just this morning I mopped the floors. Noah puts his shoes on that he wore yesterday WHILE IT WAS MUDDY OUT. He then goes on to walk around the house looking for his homework folder. Thank you Noah. Our floors are very light colored wood. We have a no shoes rule because of this. You can see how well that rule is followed.

I think laundry is the worst though. There is always laundry to do. I've contemplated joining a nudist colony but I don't really want everyone to see me  naked so...  Wash the clothes. Dry the clothes. Fold the clothes. Let the clothes sit on the table for a very long time before actually putting them away. Repeat process until the end of time. 

Noah has a habit of not even putting his clothes in the laundry hamper. He can get them right next to it or sometimes even right on top of the lid but never inside it. There seems to be a force-field around it that just repels his clothes.  He also likes to take his socks off wherever he is and leave them there. I will do the laundry and wonder why he doesn't have any socks. Later I'll find them in the couch cushions, under the bed, even under his pillow.  Why?

Cleaning becomes ten trillion times harder when you have a baby. If I napped when she napped my house would look like a tornado hit it. I can't clean when she's awake. It's impossible.

Maybe someday I'll have a cleaning lady. I'd prefer magic fairies though. I probably wouldn't have to pay them. Then again I have heard that all magic comes with a price...

Monday, May 12, 2014

Look Me in the Eye - Book Review

Image via Goodreads

I read this book as part of the Summer 2014 book challenge.

I was searching for a book that fit the biography, autobiography, or memoir category and came across this one. I really liked this book! John writes about how Asperger's has made his life different. Some in good ways. Some in bad ways. He didn't even know he had Asperger's until he was an adult. Growing up it wasn't a known diagnosis. He was classified as lazy, unmanageable, just a bad looking for trouble kid. He grows up wondering why kids don't like him. Socializing with others just doesn't come easy for John. School becomes too hard for him and he drops out. He goes on to do some pretty incredible things. You know those awesome guitars that KISS plays? He designed those. After working for the band for a while he needs a more stable environment. He ends up working for Milton Bradley designing electronic toys. He wants success and he finds it. However the higher he climbs on the ladder of success the more he has to interact with people, something he's not good at. He ends up leaving his job and doing something that he enjoys. He relates to machines. Machines don't try to trick you like people can. Machines are reliable. He opens his own car lot. He sells and fixes cars. Once he learns he has Asperger's he is better able to manage it. He can see now how he is supposed to relate to people. He sees how a conversation is supposed to be. He finally understands why he's had trouble relating to his peers.

This book was entertaining and educational. It puts you inside John's mind. you get to see how someone with Asperger's views the world. He's very matter of fact about things. My favorite part was chapter 23 "I get a Bear Cub". In this chapter his son is born. It was pretty comical how he described the experience.

""They had a big room where all the babies lay behind glass and grew under heat lamps, just like the baby chick display at the State Fair. Some were in incubators but most were just on trays."

Also in this chapter he talks about how reading the same story over and over again for his son got boring. I can relate.  He begins to change the stories.

"One fish
Two fish
Black fish
Blue fish
I eat you fish"

"See them all
See them run
The man is back
He has a gun"

In the book he describes having Asperger's like this:

"No one turns to a guy in a wheel chair and says, "Quick! Let's run across the street!." And when he cant run across the street no one says, "What's his problem?" They offer to help him across the street.
With me though there is no external sign that I am conversationally handicapped. So folks hear soem conversational misstep and say, "What an arrogant jerk!" I look forward to the day when my handicap will afford me the same respect accorded to a guy in a wheelchair."

I'm glad I read this book. I've said it before but my favorite thing about the challenge is that it oushes me to read books I wouldn't normally read. Thank you book challenge!

His brother wrote a book called Running with Scissors that I have now added to me "to read" list. His brother talks more about the not so fabulous childhood that they had.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Being a ninja...not a very good one.

In order to do anything around the house, eat, or even pee, I have to be a ninja. I need to work on my skills though because so far it isn't going well. It goes something like this...

Feed Emily. Lay her on the floor. Play peekaboo 7.2 billion times. When does peekaboo stop being fun? I hope not soon. I love her laugh when I magically appear from behind the blanket. Have to pee! Emily watches me leave but seems fine with it. Why doesn't anyone replace the toilet paper but me????  of course there isn't any extra in this bathroom either. Have to go upstairs to get some. Have to walk by the living room. Successfully make it upstairs unseen! Since she's happy maybe I'll clean up the bathrooms. Clean clean clean. Better check on her. PEEEEEEEEAK around the corner. How does she know to look this way as soon as I look around the corner? I can tell what she's thinking as she sees me and cries. Shes saying: You! You there lady! I've just noticed you are not within touching distance of me. This is unacceptable. Please return immediately to your spot on this rug, preferably with me in your lap. If you wish to vaccate my presence you must submit an authorized form in writing. Your request will be denied because I'm only 7 months old and can't read. Now fetch me my Abby Cadabby and Elmo. Make them dance for me! Love ya moms.

Feed Emily. I need to eat. Put Emily in her Jumpy. Oh good she's happy! Walk slowly away. Do not make any sounds. Avoid eye contact. Upon arriving in the kitchen commence food preparation. Eat food at the counter. Returning to the living room or the dining room will allow Emily to see me. She will demand I put that plate down and pick her up. Mmmm food is good. Cough cough cough. Crap! She heard me cough! Now she's crying because she KNOWS I'm hiding in here.... Return to living room. Abandon half eaten meal.

Play with Emily. She seems pretty entertained with this caterpillar singing thing. I'll just run and do the dishes real quick. Run water. Begin loading dishwasher. Spill water. Realize clean dishtowels are still folded on the dining room table...in the sight line of the currently happy baby.  Okay. Sneak slowly into the dining room. She's looking the other way! Yes! Pick up towel. Trip over laundry basket making lots of noise. She's spotted me! Abort the mission abort the mission! I've made it safely to the kitchen. No crying yet just little eh eh eh sounds. Oh now she's crying. No, screaming. Leave dishes to be done until she's in bed.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

7 months... It's happening too fast.

I don't even know what to write. There is so much that I want to remember. She's such a good baby. As long as she's not tired I can take her anywhere. She doesn't whine or cry while we're out. She just observes everything. She likes to smile at people as long as they don't get too close. She's very attached to me at the moment. I think it's a bit of separation anxiety. It's not enough for me to be in the same room as her, I have to also be RIGHT next to her. She prefers if I'm also touching her. If she happens to be playing nicely by herself, you better think twice about going in the room to check on her. It's safer to sneak a peek around the corner. If she spots you it's over though. She immediately realizes that you are quite a distance from her and that's unacceptable. She likes to snuggle when she's tired. She rests her head on my chest while I rock her. It saddens me to think that one day she will be too big to hold with her heart to my heart and her head tucked under my chin. She spits when she's mad and when she's happy. She sounds like a tiny motorcycle.  It's cute, funny, and messy. She's a very quiet baby still.

New things - rolls both ways..ALL over the place.

Nicknames - Emmy, Little Mouse

Sleep - HA! Sleep? What is this sleep you speak of? She actually naps really well. Nighttime is another story. She wake up a lot. I'm talking at least 3 times. I think it is just her gums hurting. It is killing me. I'm a zombie all day.

Food - Formula and baby food. This chick loves to eat! If she sees I'm getting food ready she starts panting and thrashing her arms and legs around. She grunts when I'm not feeding her fast enough. I've tried letting her have small finger foods but she's just not ready. She doesn't try to mash the food with her gums. She just wants to swallow it. We'll wait a while and try again.

Likes - She loves books. She grunts when she wants the page turned. It's pretty cute. She also thinks books are food.  Peekaboo is still a favorite game. I swear Noah is her favorite person. She just loves her brother so much! She laughs at him more than she does anyone else. The dog. She is always trying to grab Bella. Bella is always trying to lick or play with Emily.

Dislikes - Not being allowed to have something. Having something taken away from her before she's done with it.

I can't get over how cute she is. I just want to squish her little cheeks!

More about Emily:
Emily's Birth Story
3 Months old
5 Months old

That's all folks!!! 

Monday, May 5, 2014

I have twins.

Emily and Noah look so much alike it's like I have twins. They were just born almost 8 years apart. They have the exact same nose, eyebrows, and mouth. It's so funny to watch her do things and think, "You look just like your brother did!" We joke that if you put a wig on our almost bald baby Noah, it would look like Emily. It makes me wonder if we had another baby would it look just like them? We'll never know though since Emily is our last baby. I bet it would though. Then I'd have triplets...lol

Friday, May 2, 2014

A Photo an Hour

Lulu & Sweet Pea

I love this link up idea. You choose a day and take one photo each hour that day. It gives you a little peek into other bloggers daily lives. So here is how my day went....

7:30 am - Wake up to the cute little face! I'm really surprised she slept this late. She's had a nasty habit lately of waking up at 6 or 6:30. I'm not a fan of waking up before 7.

8:30 am - Noah says goodbye to Emily and leaves for school. I used to drive him but now it's just easier if he rides the bus. He really likes riding the bus now anyway.

9:30 am - Heating my coffee up...again. At what point do you give up on drinking the coffee and just pour it out?

10:30 am - Leaving for the car dealership. They called and offered us a free oil change! Yes please.

11:30 am - Waiting for the oil change to be finished. Emily is always great to take places as long as she's not sleepy. She gets really grouchy when she's tired. She is afraid of new people if they come to close but she will gladly smile and "talk" to them if they keep their distance. She was the star of the waiting room. She fake coughed a lot, everyone would laugh, and she'd do it again.

12:30 pm - All that waiting made me hungry! I had to grab Burger King on the way home.

1:30 pm - Working on my book list for the Summer 2014 Book Challenge.

2:30 pm - Dishes. Because some has to do it.

3:30 pm - Noah gets home from school. He did NOT want me to take his picture... so now I have a nice closed eyes photo.

4:30 pm - Library! Time to stock up on books for the challenge!

5:30 pm - Dinner time. A quick easy skillet meal.

6:30 pm - A little playtime before bed. Emily is usually in bed by 7.

7:30 pm - Shaun T time. I've been doing T25 lately. I love it and hate it. I'm having to modify a lot though because my knees are awful. I swear I have the knees of an 80 year old! - This is to make up for the Burger King.... =)

8:30 pm - Bella is afraid. Anytime it is really windy or thundering she has to be smushed up against someone.

9:30 pm - Relax and read. I love this book. I've read it a bunch of times and it still makes me laugh. It's called Bright Lights. Big Ass. by Jen Lancaster. She is hilarious.

10:30 pm - Getting Emily's bottle ready for when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Off to bed! It's sad but 10:30 really is a late bedtime for me now.

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