Sadness

I started a post last night to wish my mom a very happy birthday. I'm still going to post that birthday wish but I needed to post this as well. This morning I dropped Noah off at school and had all these thoughts running through my head and I just can't keep them in. There were police officers parked in the parking lot. I don't know if they were already scheduled to be there for something or if this was to make us parents feel a little better. It did make me feel better. At Noah's old school you could walk into the office but you could not go down the hallway unless someone buzzed you in through the bullet proof doors. At Noah's new school you can't enter the office. You have to be buzzed into the office and then you can enter the school. They keep the other school doors locked. I like that. I remember one day in Louisiana we were driving to school and the weather was pretty nasty. Noah said to me, "Will there be a tornado?" I said, "Probably not, but if there is your teachers know what to do to protect you. You guys practice tornado drills right?" He replied, "Yep! And fire drills and emergency drills."
Never having heard of an emergency drill I said, "What is an emergency drill?"
The horror that consumed my body as he explained to me that an emergency drill was when the teacher turns the lights off, locks the door, and gets all of the kids to stand away from the door against the wall. I didn't really know what to say. I was glad that if something ever happened they would be prepared but deeply saddened that there was even a need to prepare kindergartners for a school shooting. I still cant wrap my mind around what happened on Friday. It brings me to tears when I think about it even for a moment. It is moments like this that shake our faith. Moments when we question and cry out for answers. We either turn from God or cling to him and ask for peace and guidance.  I have such a deep ache in my heart for the people taken that day and for the ones left behind. 

Prayer of St. Francis