Agape Women

On Monday nights there is a group of women that meet all over town. They open the doors of their homes to each other expecting and anticipating the Holy Spirit to move. And He does...my how He does.

If you pulled up outside you'd hear our loud laughter and noisy chatter. If you were just walking into the room you'd most likely assume we have all been friends for years. Some of us have but most of us have only known one another for a very short time. We just have this special bond. I can't describe how much these women mean to me. I can try though....

We love one another unconditionally. I wish women all over the world could get along in this way. The world would certainly be a different place. We support one another regardless of mistakes we've made, things we've been through, or where we come from. We have true honest agape love. We cry together and comfort one another. We share our stories and our mess. We lift each other up. Knowing that if I ever needed anything, big or small, all I have to do is text or call one of them and they will all jump together to help and serve is so comforting. Their kindness and love is overwhelming. They are a safety net knit together by God himself.

We are so different and that is a blessing. Because of our differences I can take something from each and every one of them and learn from it. I have grown so much with them. With them I've learned to pray, to not hold back the gifts God has given me, to be bold and brave. God has used them to mold and shape me in ways I never expected. I thank Him every day for placing them in my life.

I know there will still be trials and storms because this is life. I also know that having people to pray with you and for you makes it easier to overcome the hard times. I know God chose this specific time in my life for them to appear. I've walked through things with them that would have been devastating with out them. To be able to reach out immediately to them and say I'm hurting, I'm drowning, I don't know what to do, and to have them respond with encouragement, scripture, prayer, and understanding is beautiful. They are not just my connect group. They are not just my friends. They are my family.



There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.  - Proverbs 18:24

Miss Emily is two

This is what two looks like. It is a girl in a party dress and sneakers covered in dirt. It's full of smiles and laughter. It's made up of tears and frustration. I can tell it's hard to be two. You think you're SO big but you're still so small. These two years have gone by so quickly. I knew that they would.


Emily is FUNNY. I can not tell you how much laughter fills our home because of her. Most often she isn't trying to be funny. The things she does and says are just so comical.

Emily is SMART. I almost put that she is mischievous but really it's her smarts that get her into trouble. She will get water from the fridge if you don't remember to lock the dispenser. She will pour it into other things around the house. She will hide things and remember exactly where she's hidden them. "Emily where are my keys?!?...Oh you've hidden them nicely inside your bin of blocks."

Emily KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. She'll let you know too. Whether it's demanding MILK or telling poor Minnie where she can and cannot sit, Emily thinks she is in charge.

Emily is BEAUTIFUL. I'm still amazed by her. I love all of her tiny features. I just stare at her!

Emily is SNUGGLY. Sometimes.... When she's sleepy or upset she just wants to be held. I soak up all of those cuddles.

Emily is VERBAL. She talks a lot! Sometimes we have no idea what she is saying an other times we know exactly what it is. This morning she told me her baby was happy because it's morning lol.

Emily....
Dislikes all songs except The Morning Song (which I made up), 5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, and The Finger Family song. This means that at bed time instead of singing lullabies I sing these songs. If I try to sing anything else she shouts at me to stop.

Loves to eat. She eats a lot of different things. I'm so glad she's not too picky.

Can be really shy but also want a lot of attention.

STILL holds her breath when she gets upset. I really would like this to stop =(

Loves her baby dolls more than any other toy.

She is absolutely amazing in every way and I can not wait to see what the next year has in store for her. I just hope it doesn't sneak up so fast!!!

She's not yet two...

And yet when I look at her this voice shouts she's two! She's two! And it just won't shut up. I don't want her to be two yet. I'm not ready for it. I wasn't ready for her to be one either, but that happened anyway. I think it's harder than when Noah was a baby because she is it. The same voice that shouts she's two also shouts there are no more! Don't get me wrong. I  am completely content with our family of four. We are certainly done. It's just hard letting go of the baby stage. When I rock her I think when will be the last time I rock her? How will I know? How will I seal it in my mind? I was so sad when we gave her the last bottle she would ever have and yet I don't remember that actual last time. 

She changes so much everyday. I swear sometimes she grows over night. She is less and less my baby and more and more a toddler. A toddler with distinct likes and dislikes. A toddler with attitude. A toddler with so much energy I don't know how I keep up. She has switched from favoring my husband to choosing me most of the time. I like to think she knows that I'm the one who is having a tough time accepting her impending two-ness. Maybe somehow she senses it and knows I need more snuggles. 

I just sit and watch her sometimes. She brings me so much joy. Her laugh is contagious. When it's bedtime and I'm rocking her sometimes she'll put her face close to mine. Her nose will touch mine. She'll laugh and laugh and then neither of us want it to be bedtime anymore. Children change so quickly! Blink and you'll miss something. Her birthday is getting closer and closer. Two just seems so big to me! I still have some time though. 


She's not yet two...

Your home IS your mission field.

You fold the laundry and wonder why you aren't being used more by God. You do the dishes and think you're not out feeding starving children somewhere. You mop up spilled milk and ask why you aren't building homes in a poor town far away. Why does your part feel so small? Why aren't you doing real kingdom work? Why are you in this house not really doing much of anything? You should be making a difference...

You are. I promise you are. Your home is your mission field. See those little ones? Do you feel their eyes on you. They're watching. They see how you pray. They watch how you worship. They notice how you handle a crisis, big or small. Everything you say and do guides them. You are molding them.
You are preparing them for the things God is going to call them to do. Maybe you haven't been called to do battle in foreign lands but your children might be. Your job is not small. Your job is significant. The seeds you are planting now will reap a great harvest. You are building a foundation for their faith. What could be more important than that?

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 31:26 has been pulling at my heart for quite some time. Now I see it all the time in books I read or blogs I visit. I find myself turning to that verse in the Bible over and over again. The first time I read it I thought WOW that's the kind of woman I want to be. Now I read it and I know it's also the kind of mother I need to be.

She speaks with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. - Proverbs 31:26

I thank God that as He helps me raise my children He is also teaching me. He is leading me, and you, through this season with gentle hands. We ask so much of ourselves. We want to be supermoms. We do and try as hard as we can. We wear ourselves out. There is no break time for a parent. We can often feel under appreciated. We wonder if we are even doing a good job. We need to be gentle with ourselves in the same way that God is gentle with us.

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in his arms; He will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. - Isaiah 40:11


When you're feeling tired and overworked. When you think you aren't enough. When there seems to be so little appreciation for what you do. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Know He has given you a task so wonderful and worthy of admiration. Your job is far from small. He sees you. He is proud of you. He is watching over your every step. He has given you a mission field and he will be right there beside you guiding you through it.

He. Loves. You.

Homeschool

Noah really dislikes having his picture taken. His favorite part about homeschool is eating when he wants....

Homeschool.... We're doing this. We are really doing this. If you told me ten years ago that I would one day be thrilled to homeschool I would not have believed you. I am however beyond thrilled. Over the moon excited about this adventure.

It started as a joke. We are going to Disney in December. Shhhhh. The kids don't know! 
So naturally I looked up the schools policy on making up work. Noah would miss four days of school. Four days he would not be able to make up any work because his absence would be unexcused. Jokingly I mentioned to my husband that if we homeschooled that wouldn't be an issue. That led to discussing how bored Noah was the last two years with school. It wasn't challenging enough for him. He'd quickly finish his work and spend the remainder of his time talking to his classmates, which his teachers didn't enjoy. He'd draw ON HIS CLOTHES. We could put him in the AIM program but that only got him out of the classroom once a week. We could test him up a grade but the jump from third to fifth grade socially is huge and I wasn't comfortable with that. So that's when I found myself making the decision to homeschool. I'm so glad we chose to do it.

We actually started as soon as the different things I ordered began to arrive. Noah was that excited about it. We're about 2 months into it and it's going well. I love teaching him something and watching him go through the process of learning. We do of course have days when he is just not having it. Days when he could care less about learning. Those are the days I really have to practice patience and not let my mind wander to why are we doing this again? He's a kid. He's going to have good days and bad days. I will too.

I did however underestimate a few things. For instance, I stay at home. That used to mean while Noah was at school I'd play with Emily and clean the house. Well now Noah's school is here. I'm trying to find a balance to it all. More often than not my house is a mess (The Messy House) but Noah has learned something and Emily is happy. The house is not my top priority lol. I save Math and Science for when Emily naps. Those are the two subjects Noah needs me sitting with him at the table for. The rest of them I can help him with while I do the dishes or play babies with Emily for the 100th time that day


Homeschooling works for us for now. I honestly feel God has been leading me to this. He has been preparing me. He has provided in so many ways. Two or even just one year ago I could not have done this. I can feel Him stretching me. I see the growth. I used to pray all the time to be a patient parent, I still do. I am far from having the patience thing down but I am leaps and bounds from where I was. I could not sit at the table going over and over a lesson without exploding in frustration without that growth. (I feel like that's a whole blog post in itself.)

I'm just really enjoying this new season of our lives. I will embrace the smooth joyful days because they will sustain me through the rough ones lol. Most of all I'm enjoying this extra time I have with Noah. Time passes so quickly.

The messy house... For all moms who feel stressed by the mess

My house is messy
My house is messy because we LIVE here
My house is messy because we play here
My house is messy because I want my children to remember the towers we built
The books we read
The laughter and the noise
My house is messy because I don't want them remembering me standing at the sink
Remembering me folding basket after basket of clothes
Remembering I was just too busy
My house is messy because though these days seem so long, the years are heartbreakingly short
My house is messy because years down the road I will wish I had colored one more picture
Dressed one more doll
Played just one more game
I will not look back and wish I had cleaned the oven a little more
Dusted those shelves more
Deep cleaned the refrigerator more
My house is messy because when I clean up my toddler dumps every bin out again
She's so cute that I don't stop her
My house is messy because my son leaves bits of himself everywhere
Legos here, light sabers there, markers and paper all over
That's OKAY
My house is messy because it can wait until bedtime
The dishes will still be there, they won't disappear
These small moments of my children's lives will though
They pass so quickly
You blink and they are gone
My house is messy and I'm okay with that
When the mess is gone I will miss it
When they are gone I will miss them
My house is messy because one day they will have a home of their own
I pray it will be messy

The Book Chat - Your favorite book

You have no idea how excited I was to type "The Book Chat" again. It's been back for a few weeks now and I've just been too insanely busy to do anything, including sitting down to write. I super duper loved The Book Chat. I missed it  a lot.

My amazingly talented friend Jessica hosts the chat every week. You should join in the fun!

This week Jessica has asked us to share our favorite book. Today is her birthday, so what favorite book would we give her?

I'm gonna start with saying the Harry Potter books are my favorite. 

I'm pulling my nerd card out right now.

They aren't however what I recommend to other people. Maybe because I assume everyone knows about them.

These are my 3 top recommendations. Sorry Jessica you've read these but they are simply the best.

The Book Thief - I've read this twice and I would definitely read it again. It's so powerful and full of emotion. You can read my review of the book here.

The Night Circus - I've also read this book twice. The world that is created inside this book is so fascinating. I love the characters so much. My review of this book is here.

My Name is Memory - I've only read this once but that because it is the only one that doesn't sit on my shelf. I NEED to buy it. I would certainly read it again. Be warned though that it will crush your heart into a million tiny pieces. The pieces will be beautiful and magical because that is what this story is. Review found here.





I love reading so much. It is my favorite thing to do. With books we can travel to far off places, become different people, experience lives outside our own. After a long day there is nothing better than escaping into a world that was created in the mind of a writer, printed on paper, seen with my eyes, and absorbed into my soul.

Happy birthday Jessica!!!!

The Beginning of Goodbye (Write or Die Wednesdays)

  

The prompt for this week is this photo. A big THANK YOU to Mia and Vashelle for coming up with this great link up!

   She let the coarse hair of Shadow's mane slip through her fingers. It was late and her body was exhausted. As much as she craved the warmth of her bed she equally wanted to be here. This was her safe zone. This was that place she imagined when people said, "Find your happy place." It was peaceful here among the smell of hay, the deep breaths of her horse, the wind whistling through the barn door, even the smell of manure was oddly comforting. She ached to be inside asleep but she stayed because she knew this would be one of the last times. She'd stopped the treatments. They weren't working. What point was filling her body with poison if it wasn't helping? The tumor would grow. The cancer would spread. That was undeniable. Her doctors seemed surprised she was still here. She hated their faces full of pity. Maybe it wasn't pity? Maybe it was a small fear that they could be her? She certainly didn't think this would be her life. High school. Check. College. Check. Moving in with your parents because you have an advanced form of cancer. Not on the list. Knowing you'll never have a family of your own. Not. On. The. List. In a way it was better that this happened now. She wouldnt leave behind a spouse to spiral into depression. There wouldn't be children who would need therapy for years trying to get over the loss of their mother and the shift in the family dynamic.  No this was definitely better. She had her horse. Mom. Dad. The few friends who stuck around through all the bullshit. The puking. The crying. The pain. The sadness. And all for what? It didn't help. It didn't give her more time. 

   She took a deep breath and moved away from Shadow. She sat on the bench across from his stall. She grew up in this barn.  She'd watch as her mom gently groomed and dressed their horses. She learned to feed them and to ride them. She reluctantly helped her dad shovel and clean the stalls. What she wouldn't give for more time to shovel horse poop. She laughed a little to herself. She picked up the brush, walked back to Shadow, and began slowly going over his coat. If she could choose she would die here. It would be sunrise. Dew would be on the ground and the smell of a crisp new morning would be in the air. She'd close her eyes and float off to a forever sleep. Realistically she knew it might not happen so simply. She might not even be quite lucid at that time. "You want to know the secret to life?", she said to Shadow "The secret to life is don't get cancer." He blinked his eyes slowly as she stroked him softly. She stepped away from him and opened the barn door. The cool night air rushed in. The sky was so clear you would swear you could count every star. It was calm. It was quiet. The quiet was what she enjoyed most about this place. There wasn't anything like it. In her time away at school she's always wish to be back here. She couldn't wait for a school break so she could rush home. She never imagined that the last time she returned home would really be her last time to come back. Now she slept in her old room. Pink flowered wall paper still hung on the wall. Her old creaky bed still between the two windows that overlooked the front lawn. 
   
   She moved so quickly between acceptance, sorrow, anger, and nostalgia that she felt crazy. Mostly she felt guilty. She knew the medical bills were piling up. Her debt was so substantial and she had no way of paying any of it. Her parents took out a second mortgage. They sold parts of their land. The barn used to house 4 horses and now there was just Shadow. She knew that they held onto him for her. Whether they would keep him after she was gone she didn't want to know. She would love to ride him but the risk was too great. Her bones were now very fragile. Chronic radiation damage the doctors called it. She would settle for this. She would spend what time she could here. There were good days and bad. Days she felt some kind of normal and days she laid in bed hour after hour. She knew the bad days would soon outnumber the good. She made her way back to Shadow's stall. She patted his head and kissed his soft nose. 
"I'll be back in the morning. I promise", she whispered to him, and she hoped that she would wake up with the strength to keep that promise. 

Reasons my toddler just can't even....

Emily is mad because:

1. She's done eating and decides to throw food on the floor. The dogs rush over to eat it. Commence melt down. The dogs can't have it just because she clearly doesn't want it anymore.

2. She can't fit into places she REALLY needs to fit into. For instance the house shown below. Total tantrum because she could not sit inside it.

3. The dogs are playing with THEIR toys that are in THEIR toy bin. No excuses. All dog toys will be played with by Emily first and then when she's ready she will hand them over to the dogs. Or so she thinks.

4. She doesn't want me to hold the bag of snacks. She wants it. She's totally responsible enough for this.

5. She is not able to handle the responsibility and the snacks have spilled everywhere.

6. She REALLY needs to hold a baby wipe. Like now! Why won't the container come open. She promises she won't put it in her mouth like the other 7,000 times before.

7. She put the baby wipe in her mouth and has now lost baby wipe holding privileges.

8. The dogs had to go outside. This obviously happens many times a day. She wants them inside where she can see them at all times.

9. No one understands her baby/caveman grunts and hand gestures, although she is clearly requesting to go outside, eat a snack, take a bath, and watch Sesame Street all at the same time. Duh!

10. Someone is touching or breathing on something that belongs to her.

11. She needs to hold the water bottle. NO! With the top off! She won't spill it or dump it on the ground.

12. She pours it out... Now she needs another one because this one is broken.

13. We've given her the fake remote. This is not the one mom!!! This one does nothing! Do you think I don't know the difference!?!

14. I'm going to change her diaper, hence the hiding under the crib.

15. Someone closed the fridge before she had time to examine all of the contents.

16. Someone closed the pantry before she was able to pull out all of her favorite snacks, beg to have some, and then not eat one single bite.

17. The puppy won't sit with her.

18. No one knows why. Maybe because life as a one and a half year old can be too much sometimes and Emily just cant even...

Friends

Making new friends as an adult is hard. We're grown ups. We have so many responsibilities and obligations. We're busy.

Kids have it easy. Think back to when you were very small. Mom takes you to the playground. You run around like a crazy person until you find someone about your size.

"Hey wanna be friends and play?"

Bam! New best friend.

Try that as a grown up. Go ahead. Push your cart around the grocery store. Casually walk up to someone.

"Hey! I see you're buying chips! I also like chips. Want to hang out and be friends?"

Nope.... Now you're a weirdo.

We have to wait to be introduced to someone. We hope that we'll meet someone in that moms group or at our new job.

You know how they have apps for single people? They should do that but for friends. Although, that might be a little sad and depressing.

I went through a time where I had no one to really hang out with or vent to. That was really hard. Girls NEED girlfriends. We need someone to call and talk to or grab coffee with. We just do. I am very grateful for the ladies I now call my friends. I'm tearing up just thinking about them. I can count on them 100% to be there for me. I love them. I know God has prepared them for me. I met each of them at a time when I needed them most. We quickly formed bonds and I appreciate them so much.

I also now realize, being the much older more mature person that I am.... lol, just how valuable a true friend is. Quality is more important than quantity. I'd rather have just one friend I can call at 3am with a problem and know they'll be there than have 50 girls with my number that won't pick up because they're not really invested in me.

You need friends that care about you. You need ones that have your best interest in mind. If your "friend" makes you feel bad about yourself, puts you in situations you're not comfortable with, or isn't reliable when you need them then they probably aren't your friend. Sometimes we can be around someone for a long time and become attached to them even if they aren't good for us. I've been hurt many times by people I REALLY thought were my friends. Looking back I can now see that I was pouring more of myself into those relationships than they were.

If you have great friends, hold on to them. Spend time nourishing those relationships. If you don't well there's always the grocery store....
Kidding!!! You'll meet them in unexpected places. You'll be amazed by how they change your life.

Marriage

Source

I love being married. It can be hard, yes. Most of the time things that a great and amazing are going to take work. Marriage included. You can't just say "I do" and hit autopilot. You have to be present and willing work at it.  When you do amazing things can happen. There are so many things I love about it and have learned from it.


 ~ Having someone to laugh and talk with just before I go to sleep. We joke and laugh about the stupidest things. We talk about the funny things the kids did that day, things we need to get done,  funny things, dumb things, important things...

~ Learning to let little things go. This has been hard for me and sometimes still is. Being married has taught me a lot about choosing my battles lol

~ I have someone I can always count on. Even if he's driving me crazy or I'm driving him crazy we can depend on one another.

~ Just because there are hard times does not mean it's over. We were almost divorced. It was a sad and awful time. In a strange way I'm grateful for that terrible part of our life though. It showed me just how badly I wanted my marriage to work and how much I really loved my husband. It taught me to fight for what I wanted and not give up.

~ Having someone to put the air in my tires. Ya, I know... it's the little things.

~ No marriage is perfect or without flaws. See that happy couple holding hands and laughing? You might think they have it all figured out. No problems there. Perhaps they've just made up after an argument though... Trust me sit with a group of girls for a while and you'll quickly see no one has this marriage thing completely figured out.

~ You can fall in love with the same person more than once! I've fallen more and more in love with my husband throughout our marriage. When he does something kind. When I see him playing with the kids. When he makes me laugh until my eyes tear up. My heart grows a little more each time.

~ I don't have to be perfect.  I'm messy. I'm not always put together. I lose my temper. I'm a work in progress and that's okay. He loves me anyway. =)


~I have a forever friend.

Loss

Almost a month ago my grandfather passed away. On February 14th, Valentines Day of all days, I boarded a plane with my mom to fly to Washington. He was admitted to the hospital for complications after surgery for a bowel obstruction. Things went downhill so quickly. When we arrived we went to the ICU and my heart was crushed. We knew things were bad but we didn't realize just how bad until we saw him. So many wires. So many tubes. There was a machine helping him breathe. It was close to 10 pm. The nurse paged the doctor to meet with us.

He explained that The machine was providing all of his oxygen. Every time they removed it to wipe the mask out his oxygen levels dropped very quickly. He told us my grandpa was getting worse and would not improve. All the measures they were taking would prolong his passing but not stop it. My grandpa had previously signed a DNR as well as stating that he did not wish for extraordinary measures be taken to keep him alive. We knew he wouldn't want to live the rest of remaining days this way. Although the machine was helping him breathe it was terrible gasping breath. We couldn't do that to him. We made the difficult decision to let him go.

I said goodbye to him not knowing whether or not he could hear me. The nurses told us he had been unresponsive since being admitted to the ICU. I left the room. My mom stayed with him. I just couldn't...   They gave him more pain medicine so he would be comfortable the entire time and removed his breathing mask. 10 minutes later my mom was walking down the hallway with his belongings. He was gone. The nurse said just before he passed he looked at my mom and smiled. I'm so grateful that she had that moment of comfort. He was not in good health. He hadn't been for a long time. His days were filled with pain and depression. He's now in a place filled with light and joy.

I miss him. He was smart. He was funny. He had great stories to share. He was just a great person. I'd like to just hear him laugh. I spent a week in Washington with my mom, brother, and sister, We sorted through the pieces of his past. There were so many amazing things in his home that we never knew existed. As we went through boxes in the basement we found amazing photos of people in our family. We found REALLY old collections of Shakespeare. We found things my great grandpa kept from WWII. Things that if I knew the were there I would have asked my grandpa about. Now I can't. I don't know why he didn't share the stories behind the things we found. It felt like we were learning more and more about him though. It made me realize that as much as I thought I knew him there was still so much more to find out.

I love him. I can't wait to see him again someday.

What parenting a toddler is like.

While I gave our new puppy a quick bath in the sink Emily notices she can't see the action. She begins loudly expressing her unhappiness about this situation. Calmly telling her I would show her the puppy in a minute didn't help. Out of anger she began tugging on my pants. My stretchy yoga never go to yoga pants. I can't let go of the puppy because she'll run all over the counter and my hands are wet. So there I am pant-less, in the kitchen, bathing a wiggly puppy, while a screaming toddler clings to my leg. Yep. parenting a toddler is just like that.

It's like raking leaves in a tornado most days. What are you doing tiny person? Why are you so messy? Why are you sticky? We haven't even eaten anything sticky today. Of course there are calm sweet moments but the crazy stress you out times are the ones I laugh at most....because you really just have to.

Emily appears to want cheese in the picture above. She crawls to the fridge every time it is open and snatches a cheese stick. Then she throws a fit because she wants it open. She wants it on her tray. She wants cheese!!!! But not really. After all the fit throwing and demanding the cheese sits on her tray never to be touched. She used to love cheese. I feel like she's doing this on purpose, to mess with my head some.

Emily expresses anger through licking. Yes. Licking. When she's mad she will lick the floor, the fridge, the cabinets, the couch, whatever is closest to her. I've never heard of a kid doing this. I guess it's better than biting?

I like to think I'm the boss but deep down I know she is. I wake up when she wakes up. I eat when she eats. If she wants to play we play. I'm just soaking up all of her crazy toddler moments because soon they'll be gone. She's already not a baby anymore. Time goes by way too quickly.

Write or Die Wednesdays: Snowfall

Vashelle and Mia host a fun weekly link up called Write or Die Wednesdays.

This week the promt is the word Snowfall.

All I can think of when I hear "snowfall" is our time in Illinois. We just moved back from there and one of the things I was happy to escape was the never ending snow. Don't get me wrong. I do like snow. It's very pretty. It's fun to play in. It makes it feel like Christmas. However, when the snow is still around and it's April that's not cool.

This was our home in IL all covered in winter bliss.

It really was beautiful. Then it didn't go away. It just kept snowing! In April! Noah played soccer while white flakes fell from the sky. The parents guzzled coffee and pulled their blankets tighter around them. I am glad it doesn't usually snow here. I did miss it at Christmas time though. Maybe one year we will visit a snowy location for Christmas. Snow during the holidays is fun, much beyond that is just yuck.

It's Okay

I'm linking up with Airing My Dirty Laundry for It's Okay Tuesday.

It's okay...

- that my house is a MESS! I've given up on cleaning while Emily is awake. She is a tornado. Her path of destruction stretches from one end of the house to the other.

- that I've finally accepted that I am the messy one in our marriage. Looking at our closets the other day confirmed this. His closet is neat and organized. Mine consists of clothes and shoes all over the floor...some on the hangers. Oh well.

- to eat a whole pan of brownies. It is right? Because I did. It was an 8X8 pan. A pan filled with chocolaty goodness.  It was over a span of about 4 days. I didn't even realize it happened until my husband said, "You know you've eaten that whole thing right? I had one. So unless Noah has eaten them...."
Noah had not eaten them.

- that Emily isn't walking. I honestly think she's afraid to. She can take about 5 steps but she CHOOSES to crawl all of the time. She'll do it eventually.

- that all of our tax refund will go towards paying bills. Yay being a grownup!

- that we might have a puppy this weekend. The husband is way more into getting one than I am. We'll see.


Have a great Tuesday everyone!!!!

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Source: QuotationsIsland

I am so glad to finally have time to blog again. I have to begin by thanking God for orchestrating my current situation. It is an amazing place to be. I was lucky to stay home with Noah for 3 years. My intention was to have the same with Emily. Unfortunately things didn't work out that way. We were living in Illinois and had the opportunity to move back to Louisiana. That decision would come with a pay-cut for my husband and result in me returning to work. Emily was 8 months old. I was excited about moving back but terrified about leaving Emily.

I started working in August. The entire time praying that something would change. That either I'd become stronger and be able to REALLY get a grip. Stop crying because I was missing everything. Stop feeling guilty. Stop feeling like I wasn't doing enough. OR that I would be able to stay home again with her. Joey left with the kids at 6:30 in the morning to drop them off at daycare. I got home at night around 6:00, just in time for dinner, bath, and bed. It was tearing me apart.

Then God stepped in and changed it all.
Joey was hired by a recruiter here so for a few months he was paid by the recruitment company and not by his actual company. He came home one day and told me that at the time he was to convert from being paid by the recruiter to being paid by the company....the company was planning to pay him LESS than he was making at that time. LESS. Instead of panic I had a sense of calm. I had been in prayer and felt assured that good things were coming.

The next day Joey is texting me like crazy. After informing his boss that this was not an option for our family and he would have to find something else he was called into a meeting. In that meeting was his boss and the boss of a different department. Both wanting him to work for them. Both now offering him a much higher salary.What my husband does is an extremely underpaid career field here in Louisiana. We could live somewhere else and make 2 or 3 times as much. Getting paid a good wage is almost impossible. We anticipated me HAVING to work here. But because GOD doesn't operate in our rational ways. Because He operates in extraordinary ways. Because He loves the impossible. This amount was enough to allow me to quit my job. I can stay home with my children. I can return to school to get my teaching degree.

His timing is also perfect. Always. The first two weeks have been nothing like I thought they would be. Emily and Noah were both very sick. If I was working I would have used up the majority of my sick time as well as had to push my work off onto someone else for all the days I would have been out. My mother's fiance passed away. If I was working I would not have been able to spend time taking care of her and helping her. I would have been working and stressing about not being able to really be there for her.

I am however grateful for the time I did have to work. It gave me perspective. It made me more appreciative of the blessing being home is. I didn't realize all I would be missing until it was gone.
Now I'm going to go snuggle Emily.... simply because I can.