Normally forgiving someone and moving on isn't too difficult for me. There is one person who I really struggle with forgiving. This person has repeatedly broken our trust. When we thought things were going well and forgave them it would only be a short time before once again something happened. This person has a drug problem. Now I know that when someone is using they aren't being themselves. They are the drug. That doesn't make it any easier for me to say, "Oh, you're clean now? Yes....yes, please come into my home. Please be part of our lives again."
We've played the roll of helper before. We've given them a place to stay. We've helped with money. We wanted to help them to be better. That's over now. There were just too many times where they hurt not us. We're talking hurtful things. Took money from my son's piggy bank. Took his pain meds he had for his surgery. That was it for me. That pushed me past a place of forgiveness. Now I just want to protect my family from and hurt or heartache. Noah doesn't know what happened. There is no reason to tell him. He's little.
I just hate that I'm in this place of anger and hatred. All I think is these are the things you've done to my family. You have used us. I know that's wrong. I know that's not how we're supposed to be. I can't get past it though. When I start to think maybe they are clean now. Maybe we can move forward. That seed of doubt and anger sprouts, grows, and takes over. It's just sad because things could be so different. I don't think any of it will change though. How do you forgive someone who over and over again breaks your trust? I don't know if you can.