The guilt is heavy. It follows me out the door as I say goodbye to Noah and load Emily and her things into the car. It trails behind us as I drop her off at daycare. It seems to vanish a bit while I'm at work. I think that's because I'm so busy I don't have time to think about it. Then it's five and the guilt is there waiting for me. It sits beside me in the car as I race home to the kids. I feel awful that I'm not giving them ALL of my time.
It has been a huge adjustment. I've had to give up so much of my control over things. I'm no longer the one to help with homework. My husband is because he picks the kids up and gets home earlier. He's also taken over a lot of getting Emily ready in the morning. I just don't have time to get myself ready and her ready. I hate that during the week I have so little time with them. I do know me working is better for our family but it is going to take some more time to really get used to this new normal.
I was very lucky to stay home for 10 months with Emily. I wish I had more time but the reality is I need to work. Unless we don't want to eat...or have a house...or cars... I'm also very lucky that I love my job and my coworkers. Now I just need to find a good balance between my work life and my home life.
How do you other working moms do it? How do you find the balance?
oh honey, wish i had advice or kind words but i know nothing about this. i cant imagine. stay strong! you know whats best for your family.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how difficult this is. I remember my sister in law having a lot of trouble going back to work after having my nephew. She found a good routine to get him ready and herself in the morning, and then picked him up after work. The truth is although you feel guilty, having Emily in daycare is very good for her. Not only will it socialize her with other children, but it's good for her to get out of the house, meet new people, be around more germs, all that fun stuff! It's tough, but it's all part of life. You gotta do what you gotta do. And I can only imagine you spend all your weekends with them nonstop. Don't make yourself feel guilty over it :)
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