A White Christmas

We will definitely have a white Christmas this year. I am NOT enjoying it. I played in the snow with Noah for maybe 15 minutes before I had to go back inside. I don't do cold... =)

It's coming!!!

Christmas is almost here! This is my favorite holiday. We didn't manage to get the lights put on the house this year but I did hang those bows and put some cute things in the window...that counts as decorating right?

The inside of the house is pretty festive. I really like getting the Christmas decorations out and figuring out where to put everything.

We bought a new tree this year. The ceiling in our family room is really high so our old tree looked SUPER tiny in here last year. This is the tallest tree I've ever had and I love it!

I'm excited for Emily's first Christmas EVEN if she won't have any idea that it is Christmas =)

Someone take away the food!!!

So  a few weeks ago I found myself in need of pants. REAL pants. I was tired of wearing leggings and yoga pants. (Yoga pants that were not going anywhere near a yoga studio...) I wanted to wear jeans! I wanted to feel normal again. So up I marched to my room. I opened the closet and selected my favorite pair. Nope. They wouldn't fit. Next pair. Nope. This continued until a sad pile of non fitting jeans lay before me. The only pair left hanging were the ones I wore to do yard work in. The always way too baggy ones...they fit. It was a sad moment. There was a decision to be made. I could either live in stretchy pants and stick with my grungy pair of jeans, squeeze into my old jeans causing what I'm sure would be internal damage, or go buy bigger pants. 

I chose bigger pants. I had. I idea now much bigger these pants would be. I didn't know I'd end up crying in the dressing room. 3 sizes bigger than my pre-pregnancy jeans. THAT'S how much bigger they were. Now I know I only had Emily 2 1/2 months ago but here's the thing. I only weigh 5 pounds more than I did before I was pregnant so how does that equal an extra 3 pant sizes? 

All I know is I want to wear my old pants again. That will require diet and exercise. BUT I LOVE FOOD...a LOT. I love food so much that when I eat something really good I do a little dance. I usually don't even realize I'm doing it until Joey tells me. I also HATE exercising. See my dilemma? 

I'll just have to suck it up I guess and be....healthy. Not until after Christmas though. I need to eat all of that delicious Christmas food first...
=)

Put the books down!

The baby books. Not regular books. If you're a new mom and you have time to read regular books I'm so so so jealous of you. you should keep reading those... but put the baby books down.

I told myself I would NOT stick my nose in a baby book like I did with Noah. Of course what did I do? Buy the baby books. Read the baby books. Feel like a failure when Emily didn't act like the babies in the baby books.

I'm not saying never read one. They are great for advice or to use as a guideline. I'm saying don't expect YOUR baby to conform to the baby book rules. I'm saying don't beat yourself up about it. Everyday almost I would sit with the baby books each with their own solutions and ideas of what is right and wrong.
"This one says baby should be woken up promptly at 7am to start the day."
"This one says to let baby wake up on their own."
"This one says NO swing sleeping."
"This one says swing sleep is soothing to baby." - side note- Emily is is sleeping in her swing as I type....

I was stressing myself out because Emily didn't have a schedule. They say she should have a schedule! Why doesn't she conform to this schedule?!?

I put them away. I'm sure I'll turn to them when I REALLY need to but for now I don't want to look at them. For now I'm fine with Emily taking her morning nap in the swing. She naps the rest of the time in her crib. I can deal with that. I'm fine with our semi co sleep situation. She sleeps in her crib at night. She wakes up around 4am to eat and goes back in the crib. At 6:30 she's up again and I just tuck her into bed with me until it's time for Noah to get up for school.

She likes to be rocked and snuggled to sleep. All the books say this is a sleep crutch. I don't care. I bought a nice gliding chair which should arrive today because my arms and back are killing me from trying to rock her with just my body motion. I will rock her as long as I can (in the comfy chair lol). Before I know it she'll be too big for rocking.

She's well rested and happy so I no longer care if I'm not supposed to be doing some of the things I do.

When you leave the hospital someone should take your hand and say. "This won't be easy. There will be days and nights when you feel like you can't possibly handle this responsibility. You will get through it."
They should also hand you some dry shampoo and face cleansing wipes... they should put those in the going home bag you get with all the other free hospital goodies. They should tell you, "The books don't know everything. The doctor doesn't know everything. Your best friend doesn't know everything. That stranger in the diaper aisle of the grocery store giving you unwanted advice doesn't know everything. You don't know everything and that's okay. You will figure it out. You're a mom. That's just what you do."

Too early for winter!

Feels like 12...? Cozy huh?

On Monday it went from this:

To this:

In just over an hour... I was not impressed. It's November! This is FALL! =(

Noah was thrilled though. I sent him to school yesterday and today in his snow gear. 

We haven't even started cutting back all the dead plants. We started doing that around this time last year so I figured we had plenty of time to get it done. I'm sure the snow will melt BUT our weather will stay C-O-L-D. The idea of doing work in the yard while freezing my butt of is not appealing.  Oh well.

Winter stay away! You're not welcome here =)

Time

I do not have time:

to cook
to clean
to shower most days
to eat a full hot meal
to drink a cup of coffee that hasn't been reheated 4 times
to catch up on emails
to return phone calls
to sleep

I do have time

for baby snuggles
for tiny hands wrapped around my fingers
to rock and soothe my crying baby
to hold her just a little longer before laying her down to sleep
for laughing at her funny facial expressions
to watch her sleep
to watch her grow and change everyday

Lately

I REALLY miss my blog =(
Someday I know I'll have time to get back to it on a more regular basis...

I feel a little like I'm living in a fog, kind of just moving through the day...and night.. Emily is a difficult baby. She is VERY fussy and cries a lot. I'm really hoping this passes quickly. When she is happy it's wonderful. When she's not it can be overwhelming. She makes the funniest faces. She's made a few baby cooing noises. It'll be fun when she starts making more sounds and really smiling =)

Noah had his last soccer game of the season. I'm VERY happy that it's over for now. It is way too cold to sit outside watching a soccer game right now. I am NOT ready for winter but it is certainly on it's way.

Emily hates baths. Really she hates being messed with in general lol. She is a very sensitive baby. After she takes her bath her hair is all curly and crazy. I still can't believe she has so much of it!

Emily LOVES her daddy. Like a LOT. When I can't calm her down he can...right away usually. I guess what they say is true...Mommy's boys and Daddy's girls lol.

My sister in law came to visit us over the weekend. Noah was very sad when she left. It was so nice to see her!

Emily is already growing so much! She weighed 9 lbs. at her one month checkup. I'm already putting away some of her clothes...some of it not even worn yet!

I've been feeling incredibly guilty lately about Noah =(
I don't have a lot of time to spend with him now and that makes me sad. I barely have time to go through his backpack and check that his homework was done the right way. I know it'll get better soon. I just wish it was better now. He made a comment last night that he needs more attention. That really broke my heart. I need to try to spend time with JUST him.

So for the most part I am tired. I am REALLY tired but I am happy. When Emily is having a crying fit I try to remind myself that babies aren't babies forever and someday I'll wish she was little again. It's already been 5 weeks! The time has gone by so fast....

Hopefully I'll be back soon. Hopefully I'll have more to blog about than being tired lol. If only I had time to read...
=)

I'm still here!

I think my mind completely blocked out how HARD the first few weeks after having a baby can be. Take the exhaustion, the trying to figure out what this little person wants, the insane after pregnancy hormones, the recovery... it can be overwhelming. Things are definitely getting better everyday. I'm a little less tired. I'm a little less stressed.

This pregnancy and recovery has been 10 times harder than it was with Noah. It's easy for me to say that Emily has pretty much ruined my body... seriously. After SEVERAL trips to the doctor thinking I had a stubborn won't go away no matter how many antibiotics you give me UTI   I found out that during her delivery she actually crushed my urethra (that's where your pee comes out of...if you didn't know) I didn't even know that could happen! So now I feel like I have to pee all of the time. It's extremely annoying. My doctor said it should improve on it's on in a few weeks but if it doesn't I'll have to see a specialist. Apparently there are surgical options to repair this. Fun fun fun I tell you. I've been much more emotional this time around too. I think I'm finally done crying for no reason. Although when I look in the mirror and see the stretch marks all over my boobs I tear up a little... I told my sister the other day that I got a healthy adorable baby girl but I paid for it with my body lol.

At this moment Emily is happily napping in her pack and play we keep downstairs. Yesterday during a fit of crying I downloaded a womb app that plays, of course, womb sounds. I was instantly shocked by how much her crying time was shortened. Normally she wakes up, eats, cries for a while, goes to sleep, repeat... Thank you app!

Noah is SO in love with his little sister. We all are. It's funny that it's normal to stare at a baby and laugh when they poop and it would be VERY odd to do that to an adult. She is a hold me all the time baby. I'm searching for a good carrier. I purchased one yesterday and hated it. I'll be returning it today and getting a different one. My couch shall be my prison no longer! lol I love holding her...I'd just like to also be able to get a few things done around here.

She is growing too fast for me already. Her cheeks are so chunky and kissable. She makes the funniest faces. She is so snuggly and cute.  AND now she's waking up =)

Hopefully I'll find time to sit at this computer again soon! =)

Emily's Story (aka The time we almost didn't make it to the hospital!)

They say second babies are born faster than first babies. Well in my case that's extremely true. Tuesday October 1st I started having contractions around 2am. They weren't very regular and not too painful so I kept going back to sleep thinking, "Fantastic I'm in false labor again and this will be another night with no sleep." Around 4am I noticed they were every 10 minutes but still not that bad as far as pain goes. I got up and started getting Noah's stuff ready to take next door just in case this was really it. Finally around 5 they went from tolerable to excruciating and I knew I needed to wake Joey up.

Joey woke up and got Noah ready. My contractions were still about 8 minutes apart and the hospital told me not to bother coming in until they were 3-5 minutes apart so I tried to relax as much as possible....that's pretty impossible! Noah was very sweet. Every time I had to sit down and catch my breath he would pat my back and say things like, "It's okay mommy. You just have to get used to it. It's like when you get in a hot tub and you have to get used to the hottness." Lol Unfortunately this was nothing like getting into a hot tub.

The hospital is only about 10 minutes from our house. I told Joey we really needed to just go. I just wanted to get there! My contractions were 6 minutes apart when we left. During that quick minute drive they became 2 minutes apart. We walked...slowly...into the ER to check in. They got me upstairs pretty much right away.

The first things I said to the nurse were:
I don't want an epidural. (I have a huge fear of needles!!!)
Do I really need an IV (Needles again!!!)
I really think I'm about to have this baby!

The nurse left to get my IV kit. I wasn't happy about that. As soon as she got back she checked me and said I was already 9 centimeters!!!! She said, "Well it looks like you won't be needing that epidural. As soon as your water breaks it's going to be time to have that baby BUT don't push because the doctor isn't here yet..."

They never even got my IV in. They didn't want to try to put it in during a contraction. I was having them back to back so...no time to get it in. Not even 5 minutes later my water broke. Still no doctor...
I was instructed not to push. Um? Being told not to push when your body is clearly trying to get the baby out is like having someone tell you to stop breathing. It's hard!!!!

Finally! The doctor got there. My midwife wasn't on call that day but she was on her way as well. I was SO glad to see the doctor rush into the room. I don't cuss very often. I just don't. However in this situation I did. A teensy bit. Then I apologized after every cuss word lol. I told Joey repeatedly I AM NEVER DOING THIS S*** AGAIN!!!

4 pushes and Emily was here. 7lbs. 5oz. 18 inches long
We got to the hospital at 6:30.
She was born at 7:10.
I really think if we waited to leave the house any longer She might have been born in the parking lot.

We got really lucky and only had to spend one night in the hospital. Emily is amazing. I love her so much. She's tiny and cute. Noah adores her. He wants to hold her all the time. He gets very upset when he can't. She only cries when she's hungry or if you change her diaper. She's a pretty easy baby so far.

Her birth was so unexpected. It happened so fast. I really expected to be there laboring for at least a few hours. When the nurse told us I was already a 9 me and Joey just looked at each other like you're kidding right?!?

So I got everything I wanted. No induction. No epidural. No IV. Cute healthy baby.

Please excuse all typos...I'm tired lol.

Friday's Letters

Dear Emily,

Get out! I say that in the kindest way possible. If you don't make an appearance by Thursday then they'll induce me. I really don't want to do that again. I'm ready for you to be here so  can use all of your cute stuff. It's all here just waiting for you. So try your hardest to be born some time in the next few days. Okay? Okay.

Dear Dad,

I think we'd make great Amazing Race partners. We might not win on account of your bad knees and my terrible ability to do anything athletic but we would have a really fun time! 

Dear Chipmunks and Squirrels,

You are super cute to watch in the yard. You are driving my dog crazy though and in turn she is driving me crazy. She sees you out there running your fuzzy butts off all over the yard and she wants to chase you. This results in lots of jumping at the window, tons of crying, and pacing all over the house looking for anyone who might LET HER OUT TO GET YOU. If you could keep your appearances to a minimum that would be great. I'm getting tired of yelling at her to get off the glass and cleaning doggy nose smudges off of that glass.

Dear Weather,

Pick hot or cold. That is all.

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