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I suck at this. I really truly do. I can not find a way to balance it all. Maybe some women are cut out to juggle mommy responsibilities and work, but I am not. While I am good at my job and I enjoy what I do, I am falling short in so many mommy areas. I forget about school events. I forget to pack lunches. I forget to remind Noah about his big projects...or sometimes to buy the supplies he needs for them. "Oh today is the school assembly....sorry I can't go because I forgot all about it and neglected to ask for the time off". I am terrible at this! I honestly thought things would be better by now. Nope.
I don't cook. I don't clean. I don't have time for any of it. I get home around 6 at night. Just in time to quickly feed the kids.....something. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who has usually already fed them. Then it's time for baths and to get the kids ready for bed. I usually eat dinner around 8. If you count eating tons of snacks as dinner. I think what bothers me most is that my children are suffering because of it. At least I think so. I don't have time to sit with Noah and go over his homework each night. I don't have time to sit and study with him like I used to. I know he would be doing so much better in school if I did. I'm missing out on time to snuggle and play with Emily. I HATE that she is constantly sick because of the awful daycare germs. Then I hate that I wrestle with "Does she really need to go to the doctor?" "Maybe I can give her medicine and send her to daycare?" If she stays home or if we keep Noah home one of us has to miss work. I can't possibly miss 2 or 3 days a week...AND that is how often she's sick.
Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had BUT it is my absolute favorite. It really IS the most rewarding. I love being able to keep the house clean. I love to cook. I love dealing with my crazy kids each and everyday. As tired and worn out as I was at the end of the day it was a satisfied embracing tiredness. Now at the end of the day I feel a guilty deep saddening tiredness. Right now it's very had to see the light of what seems to be an endless tunnel.