Wednesday, February 19, 2014


I realized something while I rocked Emily at 3am. I have forgotten. As many times as I watch her sleep soundly in my arms while she takes tiny breaths I will forget. I look and her and think I will hold this memory forever. The devastating truth is I won't. I know I held Noah thousands of times late at night. I snuggled him close and thought that very same thing. Yet now he is 8. I struggle to remember holding him. I know I did. I just have no vivid memory of it. I remember being tired. I remember being a little overwhelmed. I want to remember things like: What did he smell like? What did his weight feel like in my arms? What did his little baby breaths sound like? It's gone. As this realization occurred I began to cry as quietly as possible so I would not wake my adorable sleeping baby.

I look through Noah's baby photos and honestly a lot of that baby time is one huge blur in my mind. How could I forget something so special. Why did my brain choose to remember say...the time he spit up on Joey's red hockey shirt but not hold onto the times I spent alone with him in the quiet of the night. We have so many videos of him as a baby. When we watch them I really get a grasp on just how much has leaked from my brain. I found myself thinking, "Oh ya! He had the cutest laugh!" "I forgot the time he did that."

I'm already forgetting sweet Emily things. I couldn't remember exactly how her newborn baby cry sounded until I watched a video of her. Was she really that tiny? Her body was always curled up into a little ball. She made cute little O shapes with her mouth.

I don't want to forget. I want to hold onto ever single piece of Emily that I can. Someday she will be 8. Someday I will watch a video and it will jog my memory and at the same time it will break my heart because I have forgotten.

My sweet baby Noah:

Little Emily:


  1. I think this same thought alot! I look at Kendall and want to remember that moment forever. I want to remember all the moments. Great post!

  2. I love all of your recent posts! They are so much what I need to hear lately :)

    I love seeing all of my children grow and learn new things but I miss so much when they were little and sweet.

  3. I completely relate to this sentiment. It is a little bit heartbreaking and a little bit cruel that as parents, the exhaustion of those early months and years almost always doom us to forgetfulness. Last week I looked at a video of my daughter (now 20 months) "dancing" in her pram at four months, and couldn't believe I had forgotten that cute little head-waggle, that sense of humour. When I hold my children I breath them in like oxygen, trying to capture and freeze everything but, like you, I forget. Someone once told me "the nights are long but the years are short" and I try to remind myself of this when I'm so exhausted and wishing a moment away… but still I forget. That's part of why I blog, to give myself and my family something to look back on and help us remember all those beautiful moments. (ps. Sorry if comments doubled up - I started typing and then the comment disappeared so I'm trying again)

  4. Owww bless, photos and your blog posts will help you to remember xx

  5. This post made me think of a line in one of my favorite songs "It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds" it does suck how easily we forget sometimes :(


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