Where the Moon isn't - Book Review

Image via Goodreads

Where the Moon isn't (Originally titled The Shock of the Fall) by Nathan Filer

Overview from Goodreads:
While on vacation with their parents, Matthew Homes and his older brother snuck out in the middle of the night. Only Matthew came home safely. Ten years later, Matthew tells us, he has found a way to bring his brother back...
What begins as the story of a lost boy turns into a story of a brave man yearning to understand what happened that night, in the years since, and to his very person. Unafraid to look at the shadows of our hearts, Nathan Filer's rare and brilliant debut Where the Moon Isn't shows us the strength that is rooted in resilience and love

This was a great book but it was not at all what I expected. I expected a story about a man who felt the loss and sadness of his brothers passing. A story about a man attempting to reach to the other side and connect with his brother again. It was that but it was also so much more. When I first started the book I was a little confused. Was this narrated by a child? An adult? The sentences were usually short quick thoughts. Matthew repeats himself over and over again. As you read you begin to understand that the story is told by Matthew when he is 19 years old. You find out that he is schizophrenic. He jumps around quite a bit throughout the book between the present, time as a child, and time spent in a psych ward. 

Throughout the book there is one common theme...Simon. Matthew truly blames himself for Simon's death and discovers a way to bring him back. All he has to do is stop taking his meds. Simon speaks to him when he lets his schizophrenia take over. Matthew struggles to understand why this is unacceptable to his parents and other who care for him. He gives you tiny bits of information throughout the book about Simon's death, never really telling the whole story until the end.  You can't help but feel sorry for Matthew. He's stuck replaying these sad events over and over again in his mind. He's constantly trying to reach Simon.

 I'm glad I picked this book up. I saw the cover and had to see what it was about. I'm a book cover lover.... =)

Forgotten

I realized something while I rocked Emily at 3am. I have forgotten. As many times as I watch her sleep soundly in my arms while she takes tiny breaths I will forget. I look and her and think I will hold this memory forever. The devastating truth is I won't. I know I held Noah thousands of times late at night. I snuggled him close and thought that very same thing. Yet now he is 8. I struggle to remember holding him. I know I did. I just have no vivid memory of it. I remember being tired. I remember being a little overwhelmed. I want to remember things like: What did he smell like? What did his weight feel like in my arms? What did his little baby breaths sound like? It's gone. As this realization occurred I began to cry as quietly as possible so I would not wake my adorable sleeping baby.

I look through Noah's baby photos and honestly a lot of that baby time is one huge blur in my mind. How could I forget something so special. Why did my brain choose to remember say...the time he spit up on Joey's red hockey shirt but not hold onto the times I spent alone with him in the quiet of the night. We have so many videos of him as a baby. When we watch them I really get a grasp on just how much has leaked from my brain. I found myself thinking, "Oh ya! He had the cutest laugh!" "I forgot the time he did that."

I'm already forgetting sweet Emily things. I couldn't remember exactly how her newborn baby cry sounded until I watched a video of her. Was she really that tiny? Her body was always curled up into a little ball. She made cute little O shapes with her mouth.

I don't want to forget. I want to hold onto ever single piece of Emily that I can. Someday she will be 8. Someday I will watch a video and it will jog my memory and at the same time it will break my heart because I have forgotten.

My sweet baby Noah:

Little Emily:

Why We Work

This is a link up hosted by The Daily Tay and Life of Bon.

I met Joey in high school. He happens to be my best friends cousin. How convenient. The first time I spent any real time with him was my sophomore homecoming. He had just started going to school with us. I didn't have a date. How sad... His aunt suggested that we go together and so we did. After that I had a tiny crush on him but I didn't let him or anyone else know that. We didn't start actually dating until the end of my Junior year. He asked me to marry him my senior year. My parents weren't too thrilled about it lol.

Joey joined the Army and left just after I graduated. We didn't really know it yet but we were about to spend a lot of time apart. After he finished Basic and AIT he came home for two weeks. We were married during that time and then he left for Germany, our new home. When he arrived he found out that he would be deploying very quickly to Iraq. Plans for me to follow him to Germany and start out new life together crumbled. Finally he returned and we had Noah about a year later. Sadly Joey would deploy again when Noah was only a month old. Through all of our time separated we wrote each other a lot. I have a box filled with letters and cards that we sent each other.

We've been married for 10 years now. We have Noah and Emily. We've had really high highs and some really low lows. We are stronger today though because of the hard times. We've built a pretty great life together. I am happy.I love him more now than I ever have.

We work because we love each other.
We work because he makes me laugh...a lot.
We work because I am proud of him and appreciate everything he has done for our family.
We work because we are friends.
We work because even when we get angry with each other it doesn't stay that way for very long.
We work because we've learned to let the little things go.
We work because I know he will always be there for me no matter what.
We work because if we didn't I would be lost without him.

The library

li·brar·y

ˈlīˌbrerē,-brərē/

a building or room containing collections of books, periodicals, and sometimes films and recorded music for people to read, borrow, or refer to.


Finally I made time to go to the library. I haven't been there since September! That is just unbelievable to me. I just really didn't have time to read. I knew if I went I would most likely check out a book only to return it unread a few weeks later. I've been making the time to read lately though and just re-read some old favorites. I was really missing the feeling of reading a new book though. I love getting to know the characters and having them become real in my mind. 

I only checked out two books. Normally I would leave with no less than 4. 

I chose:

Where the Moon isn't by Nathan Filer

Image via Goodreads

While on vacation with their parents, Matthew Homes and his older brother snuck out in the middle of the night. Only Matthew came home safely. Ten years later, Matthew tells us, he has found a way to bring his brother back...

What begins as the story of a lost boy turns into a story of a brave man yearning to understand what happened that night, in the years since, and to his very person. Unafraid to look at the shadows of our hearts, Nathan Filer's rare and brilliant debut Where the Moon Isn't shows us the strength that is rooted in resilience and love.

Beta by Rachel Cohn

Image via Goodreads

In a world constructed to absolute perfection, imperfection is difficult to understand—and impossible to hide.

Elysia is a clone, created in a laboratory, born as a sixteen year old girl, an empty vessel with no life experience to draw from. She is a Beta, an experimental model of teenaged clone. She was replicated from another teenage girl, who had to die in order for Elysia to be created.

Elysia’s purpose is to serve the inhabitants of Demesne, an island paradise for the wealthiest people on earth. Everything about Demesne is bioengineered for perfection. Even the air there induces a strange, euphoric high that only the island’s workers—soulless clones like Elysia—are immune to.

At first, Elysia’s new life on this island paradise is idyllic and pampered. But she soon sees that Demesne’s human residents, the most privileged people in the world who should want for nothing, yearn. And, she comes to realize that beneath its flawless exterior, there is an undercurrent of discontent amongst Demesne’s worker clones. She knows she is soulless and cannot feel and should not care—so why are overpowering sensations clouding Elysia’s mind?

If anyone discovers that Elysia isn’t the unfeeling clone she must pretend to be, she will suffer a fate too terrible to imagine. When Elysia’s one chance at happiness is ripped away from her with breathtaking cruelty, emotions she’s always had but never understood are unleashed. As rage, terror, and desire threaten to overwhelm her, Elysia must find the will to survive.

Hopefully I'll be able to finish them before they are due back!!!

Emily 4 months

Just when I think she can't get any cuter..she does! This little monkey is four months old now. In two months she will be half a year old. How did this happen so fast? She's changing so much. She is a very happy baby. The only time she cries is if shes hungry or tired. She also cries as SOON as she realizes I'm getting her ready to take a nap. It's very odd. She gets fussy because she needs to nap and then starts crying as she realizes, "Mom is about to make me go to sleep!" She's mostly all smiles. She makes the cutest noises now. She laughs but she makes you work for it. She's very ticklish under her arms so that's a sure way to get a laugh. She wrinkles her nose up and smiles so big when she's happy.

New Things ~ She laughs. She can roll from her tummy to her back. She is constantly chewing on everything. If she can reach something she is going to grab it and it is going in her mouth. No more sweet baby cooing. Now she makes loud screechy angry sounds when shes mad and cute quiet babbling sounds when shes happy. Her angry sounds are pretty funny so it's hard to take her seriously and not laugh when shes mad.

Sleeping ~  Confusing. About 2 weeks ago she was sleeping about 5-6 hours at a time at night and taking great naps. Now she is up every 3-4 hours at night and likes 30 minutes naps. I guess the only things that stays the same about baby sleep is that it always changes...  She freaks out when she knows I'm going to lay her down for a nap. At first I thought maybe I was waiting to long to lay her down and she was just over tired. It doesn't matter if I wait 45 minutes after she wakes up or an hour and a half so I know over tiredness isn't the issue.. She ALWAYS gets mad at nap time. As soon as I lay her down she's asleep within 5 minutes though. It's probably just a phase and for now it's just what she does I guess.

Likes ~ Her butterfly is still her favorite toy. She likes to play on her tummy now. She doesn't mind the car seat! She likes to touch Bella's face. We started giving her a teensy bit of baby food. She LOVES applesauce. She loves to splash in the tub. She gets water all over the place.

Dislikes ~ I'm having a hard time thinking of something she doesn't like. She's really pretty happy and content right now. I guess maybe she doesn't like teething? We think she might be getting some teeth early because occasionally she gets super fussy and starts attacking everything with her gums.

She has her four month check up and shots on Thursday. I hate hate hate shots. I just feel so bad for her. Hopefully she will do better than last time though. She no longer likes to be held while sleeping on our chests. She wants to be laying down in her crib. That's a good thing but I miss snuggling with her sleeping on my chest. Her hair has little blonde bits mixed in now. I really wanted her hair to stay dark like Joey's but it looks like it is going to lighten up. She is just so sweet. I told her to stop growing so quickly....

Emily as a newborn and at four months!