Write or Die Wednesday - Photo Prompt

Today's prompt was a photo:

Laura sat on the back porch staring out into the field. She once thought the view was beautiful. Who wouldn't? 

Lush green grass. Bright morning sun. Puffy white topped dandelions as far as the eye can see. 

The passing of her father changed her outlook on the world. In the grass she now only saw the disgusting bugs crawling and burrowing into the ground. The sun blinded her and stung her eyes. The dandelions were merely annoying weeds, their tips carrying off into the wind to spread over someone else land. She hated everything about this place now. There could be no joy without his laughter. No smiles without his warm hugs and kind words. Who was going to pick her up after school and help with her math? Her mom was awful with math. How many times had they sat in this very spot and tried to count all the dandelions? Now they'd never finish counting. Tears welled within her eyes and her heart filled with sorrow. As the hot tears spilled into her hands she felt her mothers arms fold around her. 

"Little girls don't lose their daddies." she cried

"No Laura, they shouldn't." her mother replied as she tightened her arms around her

"We won't know how many dandelions there are."

"No. But the Lord knows and now I bet your daddy does too. I bet hes watching over you now and wishes he could tell you."

Her mother took her by the hand and together they walked far out into the field. Out until the house became small and everything was quiet. She placed a blanket on the ground and they lay staring up at the sky surrounded by puffy tipped dandelions. The wind picked up, the white tips swirled around them, and it was beautiful.




Now go link up!!!!!  The Chronicles of Chaos and Shelly's Cabaret 

This sucks

Image created via pixlr.com 

  I suck at this. I really truly do. I can not find a way to balance it all. Maybe some women are cut out to juggle mommy responsibilities and work, but I am not. While I am good at my job and I enjoy what I do, I am falling short in so many mommy areas. I forget about school events. I forget to pack lunches. I forget to remind Noah about his big projects...or sometimes to buy the supplies he needs for them. "Oh today is the school assembly....sorry I can't go because I forgot all about it and neglected to ask for the time off". I am terrible at this!  I honestly thought things would be better by now. Nope.

   I don't cook. I don't clean. I don't have time for any of it. I get home around 6 at night. Just in time to quickly feed the kids.....something. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who has usually already fed them. Then it's time for baths and to get the kids ready for bed. I usually eat dinner around 8. If you count eating tons of snacks as dinner. I think what bothers me most is that my children are suffering because of it. At least I think so. I don't have time to sit with Noah and go over his homework each night. I don't have time to sit and study with him like I used to. I know he would be doing so much better in school if I did. I'm missing out on time to snuggle and play with Emily. I HATE that she is constantly sick because of the awful daycare germs. Then I hate that I wrestle with "Does she really need to go to the doctor?" "Maybe I can give her medicine and send her to daycare?" If she stays home or if we keep Noah home one of us has to miss work. I can't possibly miss 2 or 3 days a week...AND that is how often she's sick.

Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had BUT it is my absolute favorite.  It really IS the most rewarding. I love being able to keep the house clean. I love to cook. I love dealing with my crazy kids each and everyday. As tired and worn out as I was at the end of the day it was a satisfied  embracing tiredness. Now at the end of the day I feel a guilty deep saddening tiredness.  Right now it's very had to see the light of what seems to be an endless tunnel.

Write or Die Wednesday ~ Cozy

This weeks prompt is the word cozy.


co·zy

ˈkōzē/

adjective

1. giving a feeling of comfort, warmth, and relaxation.

The word cozy brings so many things to mind.

Snuggling with my sweet baby girl Emily. 

Tucking Noah into bed at night.  

A dark room lit by candlelight 

Reading a really good book wrapped in a soft blanket. 
Sitting in front of a warm fire. 

Petting my dog. 

Naps! Naps are definitely cozy.

Long hot baths.

Hot coffee full of cream and sugar.

My best day would be a day full of all of these things! A girl can dream right?


And last but certainly not least...blogging. That definitely makes me feel cozy.

What do you think of when you hear the word cozy?


Head on over to The Chronicles of Chaos or Shelly's Cabaret and link up!

Happy Place

And this is my happy place. Right here. Among the chaos that is moving into a new home. The space around me is cluttered way beyond what I'd like it to be but I have what I need.

Coffee.
Computer.
Blog.


I have missed this blog. I've missed the link ups. I've missed interacting with my readers! I think most of all I miss having time to unwind. Sitting and typing out a post is therapeutic. You have no idea how many posts I've composed in my mind laying awake at night or sitting at my desk during the day at the office. I just have literally NO time to let it all seep out of me and onto this screen. I am making time now. I will make it happen no matter what. It's something I need to do.  It helps me relax. It helps me functions as...me.

I have to change the way I blog. I used to sit down and just type whatever came to mind. Now posts will need to be planned. I don't have time to be spontaneous lol.  The blogging world is a special place. I've found so many great friends here. I never would have connected with any of you without this blog.

It is a great thing.

It is part of me.

So now I plan to set aside time each week to just write. If I don't I will go insane. Definitely.

It happened. She's one.

Completely without permission Emily turned one. She didn't seem to care that it broke my heart. She can NOT be one! Can she? Yep, 13 days ago she had her first of many birthdays. The year really has flown by. I still think of her as a baby. Her one year check up is this Friday and I know the doctor will say it's time to ditch the bottle. BUT I DON'T WANNA!!!! That means she's really not a baby.

She STILL isn't crawling. She is however pulling up on everything, no matter how un-sturdy the object is.

She likes to hit...a lot. She thinks it's hilarious. Telling her no only adds to her amusement. She also loves to throw things when she's mad. As soon as she sees she isn't going to get her way she throws herself backwards and has a fit. I'm looking forward to her terrible twos...not.

She is beautiful. Her eyes are so big and bright. Her squishy cheeks are just adorable. Her crazy hair is so pretty. I could stare at her all day.

We've had a battle returning to daycare. She has been sick more times than I can count. It sucks. Big time. In fact she was sick about a week ago and is now stuffy again. Daycare germs stay away!

She loves to go outside. She will point at the door several times a day and demand to go out. It's very cute. She LOVES mickey mouse. She likes music. She will bounce along to a song. She enjoys making a mess of course. Dumping things out of a bucket over and over again can entertain her for a long time. She really likes taking baths. Splashing is a lot of fun!

She sleeps all night long. As long as she's not sick she goes to bed around 7 and sleeps until I wake her up at 6. It is fantastic.


She is an amazing little girl and I am so blessed that she's mine. I can not imagine life without her.
It's strange to think that this time last year she was a brand new baby. Reading her birth story makes me tear up. I can't believe that was a year ago! I love her!!!!

Happy birthday Emily. Let's try to slow this second year down a bit...okay?

You can read Emily's birth story HERE. Gets me every time =(

11 Months ~ Emily

We now have two more weekends until Emily is one. I am in complete denial. I have picked a day for her birthday party but that's about it. Perhaps if I ignore it all together she won't actually turn one? If I pretend she's still a baby she'll stay a baby? I wish! Oh, how I wish! She is less and less a baby everyday and while I am excited to see her do new things my heart also breaks. As she learns these new skills she leaves behind some of my favorite things. I miss rocking her to sleep. I miss snuggling her while she sleeps. These days she lets us rock her a little bit but ends up preferring to lay in her bed to sleep. I miss her teeny tiny baby sounds. Now we have a VERY loud Emily.

She fills up the car seat! How????

Although I miss so many things, this stage is by far my favorite. She has been silly and giggly most of the time. She loves to hand us things. She likes to throw things...especially when she's mad. she does this awful thing where she throws herself backwards at the slightest inconvenience to her. She is very dramatic.

She still isn't crawling and prefers to pull herself everywhere. She is FAST! You have to watch her every. single. second. Her favorite things to "crawl" to of course are things she can't have. When you take it away she immediately has a meltdown. This chick is a drama queen.

She LOVES food. She eats absolutely anything we give her. I am always surprised by just how much she eats.


Her favorite thing to do is still swinging. She just loves it! She also likes music. She bobs her head and wiggles around. It really is the cutest thing. She LOVES to shake her head yes.  She is starting to understand what we are saying to her. If I say, "Do you want to eat?" she is definitely shaking her head yes lol. Clapping her hands and waving bye bye are new things as well. I can't get over how much she's changed!

I can't believe she has grown so fast. I knew it would happen. It just happened too fast. There is no rewind button. No pause. Only living in the moment and hoping to hang onto as many memories as I can. Her birthday will be here soon and this mommy will cry. My baby is turning into a little girl.

10 Months ~Emily

This has been Emily's biggest month so far. She has changed so much in just these few short weeks.

Emily had eye surgery last week. She had a clogged tear duct. It was a super fast simple procedure and her eye is already so much better. No more waking up with a gross goopy mess! She did fantastic.

We've pulled her from daycare and she will be staying with my mom and we get her into a better place. It was great for Noah when he was three but she is a baby who needs a LOT of sleep. The way they have things set up in the baby area just don't allow her to rest well enough. She naps twice a day for 2 hours at home. At this daycare she's sleeping 40 minutes to an hour once a day. While I love the ladies there it's just not working out.

She is VERY over dramatic about things. She has a big attitude. When she gets upset she likes to throw things, headbutt you, or hit. Fun stuff I tell you. She absolutely hates having her hair done. As soon as I start trying to pull her crazy curls out of her face she freaks out. She loves food and if she thinks even for a moment that the food is gone she has a tantrum. We are going to have our hands full when she's a toddler, I just know it.

Still no crawling. I think she's close though. She speeds across the floor by pulling herself. I'm amazed at how fast she is!

She interacts more with us now. It's so fun to see her personality come out more and more every day. She really loves to read books and she does this funny dance-bob-up and down thing when she hears music. She is so adorable!

She says Momma, Dadda, and Babba . We don't think she knows those words mean anything yet.

She is just a little ball of energy. I want to freeze time and hold onto my little baby a while longer.
It all happens way too fast =(