Your home IS your mission field.

You fold the laundry and wonder why you aren't being used more by God. You do the dishes and think you're not out feeding starving children somewhere. You mop up spilled milk and ask why you aren't building homes in a poor town far away. Why does your part feel so small? Why aren't you doing real kingdom work? Why are you in this house not really doing much of anything? You should be making a difference...

You are. I promise you are. Your home is your mission field. See those little ones? Do you feel their eyes on you. They're watching. They see how you pray. They watch how you worship. They notice how you handle a crisis, big or small. Everything you say and do guides them. You are molding them.
You are preparing them for the things God is going to call them to do. Maybe you haven't been called to do battle in foreign lands but your children might be. Your job is not small. Your job is significant. The seeds you are planting now will reap a great harvest. You are building a foundation for their faith. What could be more important than that?

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 31:26 has been pulling at my heart for quite some time. Now I see it all the time in books I read or blogs I visit. I find myself turning to that verse in the Bible over and over again. The first time I read it I thought WOW that's the kind of woman I want to be. Now I read it and I know it's also the kind of mother I need to be.

She speaks with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. - Proverbs 31:26

I thank God that as He helps me raise my children He is also teaching me. He is leading me, and you, through this season with gentle hands. We ask so much of ourselves. We want to be supermoms. We do and try as hard as we can. We wear ourselves out. There is no break time for a parent. We can often feel under appreciated. We wonder if we are even doing a good job. We need to be gentle with ourselves in the same way that God is gentle with us.

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in his arms; He will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. - Isaiah 40:11


When you're feeling tired and overworked. When you think you aren't enough. When there seems to be so little appreciation for what you do. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Know He has given you a task so wonderful and worthy of admiration. Your job is far from small. He sees you. He is proud of you. He is watching over your every step. He has given you a mission field and he will be right there beside you guiding you through it.

He. Loves. You.

The messy house... For all moms who feel stressed by the mess

My house is messy
My house is messy because we LIVE here
My house is messy because we play here
My house is messy because I want my children to remember the towers we built
The books we read
The laughter and the noise
My house is messy because I don't want them remembering me standing at the sink
Remembering me folding basket after basket of clothes
Remembering I was just too busy
My house is messy because though these days seem so long, the years are heartbreakingly short
My house is messy because years down the road I will wish I had colored one more picture
Dressed one more doll
Played just one more game
I will not look back and wish I had cleaned the oven a little more
Dusted those shelves more
Deep cleaned the refrigerator more
My house is messy because when I clean up my toddler dumps every bin out again
She's so cute that I don't stop her
My house is messy because my son leaves bits of himself everywhere
Legos here, light sabers there, markers and paper all over
That's OKAY
My house is messy because it can wait until bedtime
The dishes will still be there, they won't disappear
These small moments of my children's lives will though
They pass so quickly
You blink and they are gone
My house is messy and I'm okay with that
When the mess is gone I will miss it
When they are gone I will miss them
My house is messy because one day they will have a home of their own
I pray it will be messy

Reasons my toddler just can't even....

Emily is mad because:

1. She's done eating and decides to throw food on the floor. The dogs rush over to eat it. Commence melt down. The dogs can't have it just because she clearly doesn't want it anymore.

2. She can't fit into places she REALLY needs to fit into. For instance the house shown below. Total tantrum because she could not sit inside it.

3. The dogs are playing with THEIR toys that are in THEIR toy bin. No excuses. All dog toys will be played with by Emily first and then when she's ready she will hand them over to the dogs. Or so she thinks.

4. She doesn't want me to hold the bag of snacks. She wants it. She's totally responsible enough for this.

5. She is not able to handle the responsibility and the snacks have spilled everywhere.

6. She REALLY needs to hold a baby wipe. Like now! Why won't the container come open. She promises she won't put it in her mouth like the other 7,000 times before.

7. She put the baby wipe in her mouth and has now lost baby wipe holding privileges.

8. The dogs had to go outside. This obviously happens many times a day. She wants them inside where she can see them at all times.

9. No one understands her baby/caveman grunts and hand gestures, although she is clearly requesting to go outside, eat a snack, take a bath, and watch Sesame Street all at the same time. Duh!

10. Someone is touching or breathing on something that belongs to her.

11. She needs to hold the water bottle. NO! With the top off! She won't spill it or dump it on the ground.

12. She pours it out... Now she needs another one because this one is broken.

13. We've given her the fake remote. This is not the one mom!!! This one does nothing! Do you think I don't know the difference!?!

14. I'm going to change her diaper, hence the hiding under the crib.

15. Someone closed the fridge before she had time to examine all of the contents.

16. Someone closed the pantry before she was able to pull out all of her favorite snacks, beg to have some, and then not eat one single bite.

17. The puppy won't sit with her.

18. No one knows why. Maybe because life as a one and a half year old can be too much sometimes and Emily just cant even...

What parenting a toddler is like.

While I gave our new puppy a quick bath in the sink Emily notices she can't see the action. She begins loudly expressing her unhappiness about this situation. Calmly telling her I would show her the puppy in a minute didn't help. Out of anger she began tugging on my pants. My stretchy yoga never go to yoga pants. I can't let go of the puppy because she'll run all over the counter and my hands are wet. So there I am pant-less, in the kitchen, bathing a wiggly puppy, while a screaming toddler clings to my leg. Yep. parenting a toddler is just like that.

It's like raking leaves in a tornado most days. What are you doing tiny person? Why are you so messy? Why are you sticky? We haven't even eaten anything sticky today. Of course there are calm sweet moments but the crazy stress you out times are the ones I laugh at most....because you really just have to.

Emily appears to want cheese in the picture above. She crawls to the fridge every time it is open and snatches a cheese stick. Then she throws a fit because she wants it open. She wants it on her tray. She wants cheese!!!! But not really. After all the fit throwing and demanding the cheese sits on her tray never to be touched. She used to love cheese. I feel like she's doing this on purpose, to mess with my head some.

Emily expresses anger through licking. Yes. Licking. When she's mad she will lick the floor, the fridge, the cabinets, the couch, whatever is closest to her. I've never heard of a kid doing this. I guess it's better than biting?

I like to think I'm the boss but deep down I know she is. I wake up when she wakes up. I eat when she eats. If she wants to play we play. I'm just soaking up all of her crazy toddler moments because soon they'll be gone. She's already not a baby anymore. Time goes by way too quickly.

This sucks

Image created via pixlr.com 

  I suck at this. I really truly do. I can not find a way to balance it all. Maybe some women are cut out to juggle mommy responsibilities and work, but I am not. While I am good at my job and I enjoy what I do, I am falling short in so many mommy areas. I forget about school events. I forget to pack lunches. I forget to remind Noah about his big projects...or sometimes to buy the supplies he needs for them. "Oh today is the school assembly....sorry I can't go because I forgot all about it and neglected to ask for the time off". I am terrible at this!  I honestly thought things would be better by now. Nope.

   I don't cook. I don't clean. I don't have time for any of it. I get home around 6 at night. Just in time to quickly feed the kids.....something. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who has usually already fed them. Then it's time for baths and to get the kids ready for bed. I usually eat dinner around 8. If you count eating tons of snacks as dinner. I think what bothers me most is that my children are suffering because of it. At least I think so. I don't have time to sit with Noah and go over his homework each night. I don't have time to sit and study with him like I used to. I know he would be doing so much better in school if I did. I'm missing out on time to snuggle and play with Emily. I HATE that she is constantly sick because of the awful daycare germs. Then I hate that I wrestle with "Does she really need to go to the doctor?" "Maybe I can give her medicine and send her to daycare?" If she stays home or if we keep Noah home one of us has to miss work. I can't possibly miss 2 or 3 days a week...AND that is how often she's sick.

Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had BUT it is my absolute favorite.  It really IS the most rewarding. I love being able to keep the house clean. I love to cook. I love dealing with my crazy kids each and everyday. As tired and worn out as I was at the end of the day it was a satisfied  embracing tiredness. Now at the end of the day I feel a guilty deep saddening tiredness.  Right now it's very had to see the light of what seems to be an endless tunnel.

Co-sleeping ~ Sometimes it's not pretty

Co-sleeping can be a beautiful bonding experience, it can also be crazy. When Emily was a teeny baby She'd lay beside me in bed and we'd sleep happily for the most part. After a while I was ready for my own space again and she began to play at bedtime rather than sleep. She took to the crib pretty easily. Now she returns to our bed in the morning around 6:45 where she plays with us as we fully wake up.

Jump to last night....
Emily wakes up over and over again. It is now 1am. Joey is on the couch because he stayed up super late watching tv. I've had a cold the last few days. Stuffy nose. Sore throat. Small cough. When I go to check on Emily she is furious that she can't keep her pacifier in her mouth because she can no longer breathe through her nose. She has my cold.

I give up on trying to get her back to sleep in the crib. I feed her and give her Motrin. I bring her to my bed. I build a giant wall of pillows for fear that she will roll off the bed. She finally calms down and rests. Now she sleeps but fidgets a lot, I'm sure this is due to her discomfort. Although there is plenty of room on the bed there are hands in my face. Then feet are kicking my chin. Then her butt, in my face. She toots. Of course she does.

It is now 2am and I've pretty much given up hope that I will sleep as she continues to move around in her sleep. She wakes again around 3 and although I know she's not really hungry I feed her anyway because it's all that will calm her down. She now lays on the pillow next to me. I have no idea how I fit into the small space she has allowed me on the giant bed. She finally sleeps peacefully. No fidgeting. Just sleep. I watch her smile as she dreams. I haven't seen her smile in her sleep in a long time. She's been in her crib for so long. I watch her and enjoy every moment. I barely sleep at all. I can't really relax when she's in my bed. This is why she began to sleep in her crib. For now she isn't feeling good. She is small and sweet. She needs me, so she can stay. She'll be better soon and will return to her bed. For now I love watching her smile and dream.

This came out so blurry. That tiny space next to Emily is where I slept, or tried to sleep lol.

How quickly I fall

Quick recap of Sunday night. Noah puked EVERYWHERE in his room. I have never cleaned up so much puke in my life. I spent a good 3 hours cleaning him and his room. This all after a day of listening to him tell me how mean I am. Apparently when he does something bad and gets in trouble it's MY fault when he gets grounded. Why wouldn't it be? His biggest problem is simply not listening. I tell him to do something and he doesn't do it or half does it. I tell him he has 10 minutes before he needs to brush his teeth for bed and 20 minutes later he's trying to negotiate staying up longer. I MAKE THE RULES! YOU FOLLOW THEM! It really isn't that hard.

After restoring his room to it's previous non smelly state and telling him goodnight again he tells me how much he loves me. He tells me thank you for taking care of him. I let him stay home from school just to be sure he was over his yuckiness. All day he was very kind and helpful...until.  UNTIL I told him he had played the computer enough for the day. You would have thought I'd told him to remove all of his fingernails. Immediately I went from loved and cherished mommy to evil mean lady. How quickly I fell from that pedestal. Now I'm under it. I'm being squashed by it again.  Seriously?!? After all the crap I do!


It really wears on me. I'm so tired of him acting like this. He has rules. He knows the consequences if he doesn't follow them. I feel like I've written this same thing over and over again. I try talking calmly about his behavior. I yell, which I know is bad. I try everything I can think of and still I come out the bad guy. If he behaved he wouldn't be in trouble. Our rules aren't even that strict. I talk to my sister a lot about this. My nephew is the same age and we both have problems with the boys. I really hope this is just some defiant phase. When he's mad he says he'd like to go live somewhere else. Sometimes I'd like that too. Sometimes it's just too much. I'd never actually make him go anywhere. I love him too much. I just need him to stop. I need him to listen. I'm not asking to be up on the pedestal. I just don't want to be underneath it. I'd be happy to hang from the edge. Happy to just not have him tell me how awful I am.

Being a ninja...not a very good one.

In order to do anything around the house, eat, or even pee, I have to be a ninja. I need to work on my skills though because so far it isn't going well. It goes something like this...

Feed Emily. Lay her on the floor. Play peekaboo 7.2 billion times. When does peekaboo stop being fun? I hope not soon. I love her laugh when I magically appear from behind the blanket. Have to pee! Emily watches me leave but seems fine with it. Why doesn't anyone replace the toilet paper but me????  of course there isn't any extra in this bathroom either. Have to go upstairs to get some. Have to walk by the living room. Successfully make it upstairs unseen! Since she's happy maybe I'll clean up the bathrooms. Clean clean clean. Better check on her. PEEEEEEEEAK around the corner. How does she know to look this way as soon as I look around the corner? I can tell what she's thinking as she sees me and cries. Shes saying: You! You there lady! I've just noticed you are not within touching distance of me. This is unacceptable. Please return immediately to your spot on this rug, preferably with me in your lap. If you wish to vaccate my presence you must submit an authorized form in writing. Your request will be denied because I'm only 7 months old and can't read. Now fetch me my Abby Cadabby and Elmo. Make them dance for me! Love ya moms.

Feed Emily. I need to eat. Put Emily in her Jumpy. Oh good she's happy! Walk slowly away. Do not make any sounds. Avoid eye contact. Upon arriving in the kitchen commence food preparation. Eat food at the counter. Returning to the living room or the dining room will allow Emily to see me. She will demand I put that plate down and pick her up. Mmmm food is good. Cough cough cough. Crap! She heard me cough! Now she's crying because she KNOWS I'm hiding in here.... Return to living room. Abandon half eaten meal.

Play with Emily. She seems pretty entertained with this caterpillar singing thing. I'll just run and do the dishes real quick. Run water. Begin loading dishwasher. Spill water. Realize clean dishtowels are still folded on the dining room table...in the sight line of the currently happy baby.  Okay. Sneak slowly into the dining room. She's looking the other way! Yes! Pick up towel. Trip over laundry basket making lots of noise. She's spotted me! Abort the mission abort the mission! I've made it safely to the kitchen. No crying yet just little eh eh eh sounds. Oh now she's crying. No, screaming. Leave dishes to be done until she's in bed.

A Photo an Hour

I love this link up idea. You choose a day and take one photo each hour that day. It gives you a little peek into other bloggers daily lives. So here is how my day went....

7:30 am - Wake up to the cute little face! I'm really surprised she slept this late. She's had a nasty habit lately of waking up at 6 or 6:30. I'm not a fan of waking up before 7.

8:30 am - Noah says goodbye to Emily and leaves for school. I used to drive him but now it's just easier if he rides the bus. He really likes riding the bus now anyway.

9:30 am - Heating my coffee up...again. At what point do you give up on drinking the coffee and just pour it out?

10:30 am - Leaving for the car dealership. They called and offered us a free oil change! Yes please.

11:30 am - Waiting for the oil change to be finished. Emily is always great to take places as long as she's not sleepy. She gets really grouchy when she's tired. She is afraid of new people if they come to close but she will gladly smile and "talk" to them if they keep their distance. She was the star of the waiting room. She fake coughed a lot, everyone would laugh, and she'd do it again.

12:30 pm - All that waiting made me hungry! I had to grab Burger King on the way home.

1:30 pm - Working on my book list for the Summer 2014 Book Challenge.

2:30 pm - Dishes. Because some has to do it.

3:30 pm - Noah gets home from school. He did NOT want me to take his picture... so now I have a nice closed eyes photo.

4:30 pm - Library! Time to stock up on books for the challenge!

5:30 pm - Dinner time. A quick easy skillet meal.

6:30 pm - A little playtime before bed. Emily is usually in bed by 7.

7:30 pm - Shaun T time. I've been doing T25 lately. I love it and hate it. I'm having to modify a lot though because my knees are awful. I swear I have the knees of an 80 year old! - This is to make up for the Burger King.... =)

8:30 pm - Bella is afraid. Anytime it is really windy or thundering she has to be smushed up against someone.

9:30 pm - Relax and read. I love this book. I've read it a bunch of times and it still makes me laugh. It's called Bright Lights. Big Ass. by Jen Lancaster. She is hilarious.

10:30 pm - Getting Emily's bottle ready for when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Off to bed! It's sad but 10:30 really is a late bedtime for me now.

What is a parent?

Parent:



Giver of hugs

Reader of books

One who worries

One who is peed on, pooped on, drooled on, and spit up on but doesn't really mind too much

Person who never sleeps

One who pretends to be interested in things they are not "Why yes I would like for you to describe in great detail every Star Wars battle beginning with episode 1."

Kisser of boo-boos

Provider of food...especially Lunchables

Holder of hands (as long as you agree that the hand can be held.)

Maker of Mac and Cheese

Singer of silly songs

Person who takes photos like a paparazzi

Finder of teddy bears or other lost stuffed animals

Unfortunately also the finder of legos, especially very small clear pieces that HAVE to be found right away

Person who turns on the bathroom light to keep monsters away

One who replaces batteries...even though noisy toys are well noisy and annoying

Receiver of smiles

Chauffeur

Expert at tucking you into bed

Drinker of wine after you are in bed

Person who is amazed by watching you grow and learn

Person who wants time to slow down

Holder of memories

One who cherishes the laughter

Holder of kleenex

Holder of EXTRA kleenex

One who reminds you to wear a coat

One who reminds you to use the bathroom before leaving

One racing to find a bathroom because you didn't use the bathroom before leaving

Person who wants just one more hug




Person who will love you forever and ever no matter what happens.

Why the human race still exists.

Why have we survived so long? I'll tell you why. I'd like to call it Pregnancy Labor Recovery Amnesia.

It's amazing how quickly we forget all of the bad stuff.
We forget how awful the morning sickness is. We forget the aches and pains of pregnancy.
We forget the insane pains of labor. Even now I can't really remember exactly what contractions feel like even though I know they are B-A-D. We forget the tearing and the stretching. We forget how uncomfortable stitches are. We forget all of the gross things that happen to our bodies after we have the baby.

We forget so easily.
If we didn't no woman would ever have a second baby. She'd demand to have her tubes tied and make her husband have a vasectomy just to be safe.

Perhaps this is why most first time moms are so surprised by it all. Their friends didn't say it could be that bad! Second time moms are easily fooled by their memory. I know I was. I kept thinking my recovery with Emily was SO bad. Much worse than with Noah. Then I sat down and really thought about it. I realized it was pretty much the same. I just forgot how bad it was.

There has to be something in our brain that says, "Okay it's been a while. Let's wipe her memory clean of all the not pleasant parts. Soon she'll see a tiny baby. Soon she'll see a tiny pair of newborn socks. If she forgets all the bad stuff she'll want a baby!"

It doesn't help that babies smell so good. What is that smell? How do they smell like that?
Why does it go away? =(
I wish I could bottle that baby smell up and keep it forever.

We are done done done having babies in this house. My brain hasn't been wiped clean yet lol. We knew two was the number for us. We have a boy. We have a girl. I do not want to be pregnant or give birth ever again. Joey had a vasectomy shortly after Emily was born. There will definitely not be anymore babies. Even if I get a little sad sometimes when I see how big Emily is getting already. Even if I smell her tiny baby head and wonder how much longer she'll keep that baby smell. I know I just do not want to go through all of it again.

I'll leave the procreating to the rest of you...

Put the books down!

The baby books. Not regular books. If you're a new mom and you have time to read regular books I'm so so so jealous of you. you should keep reading those... but put the baby books down.

I told myself I would NOT stick my nose in a baby book like I did with Noah. Of course what did I do? Buy the baby books. Read the baby books. Feel like a failure when Emily didn't act like the babies in the baby books.

I'm not saying never read one. They are great for advice or to use as a guideline. I'm saying don't expect YOUR baby to conform to the baby book rules. I'm saying don't beat yourself up about it. Everyday almost I would sit with the baby books each with their own solutions and ideas of what is right and wrong.
"This one says baby should be woken up promptly at 7am to start the day."
"This one says to let baby wake up on their own."
"This one says NO swing sleeping."
"This one says swing sleep is soothing to baby." - side note- Emily is is sleeping in her swing as I type....

I was stressing myself out because Emily didn't have a schedule. They say she should have a schedule! Why doesn't she conform to this schedule?!?

I put them away. I'm sure I'll turn to them when I REALLY need to but for now I don't want to look at them. For now I'm fine with Emily taking her morning nap in the swing. She naps the rest of the time in her crib. I can deal with that. I'm fine with our semi co sleep situation. She sleeps in her crib at night. She wakes up around 4am to eat and goes back in the crib. At 6:30 she's up again and I just tuck her into bed with me until it's time for Noah to get up for school.

She likes to be rocked and snuggled to sleep. All the books say this is a sleep crutch. I don't care. I bought a nice gliding chair which should arrive today because my arms and back are killing me from trying to rock her with just my body motion. I will rock her as long as I can (in the comfy chair lol). Before I know it she'll be too big for rocking.

She's well rested and happy so I no longer care if I'm not supposed to be doing some of the things I do.

When you leave the hospital someone should take your hand and say. "This won't be easy. There will be days and nights when you feel like you can't possibly handle this responsibility. You will get through it."
They should also hand you some dry shampoo and face cleansing wipes... they should put those in the going home bag you get with all the other free hospital goodies. They should tell you, "The books don't know everything. The doctor doesn't know everything. Your best friend doesn't know everything. That stranger in the diaper aisle of the grocery store giving you unwanted advice doesn't know everything. You don't know everything and that's okay. You will figure it out. You're a mom. That's just what you do."

..end of my rope.

I want someone to tell me how to get a child to listen. So far I'm not having much luck. Lately it seems everything is a battle and I'm losing. I think we are going on a record number of days that Noah has been grounded. It's really ridiculous. This is summer. He should be outside playing but instead he chooses to misbehave and gets grounded.

It always starts with something small. I've asked him to clean up or to stop doing something. Somehow it snowballs into an argument over why he doesn't want to do it and why I say he has to do it. I'M the GROWNUP! When did I lose control? When did he stop just doing what I tell him to do because he's the kid and I'm the mom? By the end of the night I've run out of things to take away from him.

I need more tools. I need Supernanny. I need someone to say do this (and have it work). I don't like going to bed frustrated and angry that I can't figure it out. I just want him to listen to me. This has to stop. I spend the most time with Noah because I'm home all of the time. Once Emily is here I simply will not be able to constantly argue with him while trying to take care of her when it's just the three of us. It just won't work.

Today we are making a list of his rules to hang up. Maybe if he can SEE them he'll be more likely to follow them. Today we are making a list of his consequences for NOT listening...NEW consequences because obviously just losing things he likes isn't working.

Wish me luck....

Want! Want! Want!

I HATE...absolutely hate bringing Noah to the store with me. Noah has developed a bad case of the gimmes. For some reason he thinks that he should get something from every store we go to.
Walmart
Target
Walgreens
THE GAS STATION!

I can't take it. As soon as we get there he asks, "Can I get a toy?"
The answer is almost always, "No, you have a ton of toys at home. You don't really need more right now."
This inevitably leads to whining and him following me around the store repeating favorite phrases like:

This one is five dollars. That's cheap!
Why are you getting stuff but I'm not? (Because I'm buying groceries and we have to eat?!?)
This says buy one get one half off!
You never let me have anything!
This isn't fair!
Please! Please! Please!!!!

Noah knows he can save his money up and buy what he wants. He does it all the time. He really does have way too many toys and I refuse to buy more. I'm tired of whisper yelling at him to stop asking up and down every aisle of the store. I've tried grounding him from things when he doesn't stop asking. He hates not being able to go play with his friends so that is usually the first thing to go. Even that doesn't stop him from begging the next time we have to go somewhere.

I really have no idea how to get him to stop. I avoid taking him with me as much as possible....

Do your kids want want want? How do you make it stop stop stop?!?

Strangers!

A while ago I was at Burger King. This woman came up to me and said, "can you keep an eye on my daughter while I take my son to the bathroom?"
Before I could answer she quickly walked away.
My heart started racing "Is she crazy? What if I was nuts and wanted to steal her baby?"
She was gone maybe 6 minutes. Obviously I was not nuts and did not steal her baby. I can see if Noah had been with me she might have thought, "Oh this nice mom will understand my situation and help me out" but it was just me in the back of the restaurant NEAR the door. I would never leave Noah alone with a stranger for even a moment. Even now that he's seven I still tell him all the time at the store, "You have to stay by me. You can't just run off and go look at something."

You just never know what crazies might be out there.

I don't want him to be terrified about something bad happening but I want him to know that there are people out there that you can't trust.  I used to just teach him about not talking to strangers and never go anywhere with a stranger. Then I read this article.  Now I teach him what kind of strangers are "tricky".