Happy Place

And this is my happy place. Right here. Among the chaos that is moving into a new home. The space around me is cluttered way beyond what I'd like it to be but I have what I need.

Coffee.
Computer.
Blog.


I have missed this blog. I've missed the link ups. I've missed interacting with my readers! I think most of all I miss having time to unwind. Sitting and typing out a post is therapeutic. You have no idea how many posts I've composed in my mind laying awake at night or sitting at my desk during the day at the office. I just have literally NO time to let it all seep out of me and onto this screen. I am making time now. I will make it happen no matter what. It's something I need to do.  It helps me relax. It helps me functions as...me.

I have to change the way I blog. I used to sit down and just type whatever came to mind. Now posts will need to be planned. I don't have time to be spontaneous lol.  The blogging world is a special place. I've found so many great friends here. I never would have connected with any of you without this blog.

It is a great thing.

It is part of me.

So now I plan to set aside time each week to just write. If I don't I will go insane. Definitely.

It happened. She's one.

Completely without permission Emily turned one. She didn't seem to care that it broke my heart. She can NOT be one! Can she? Yep, 13 days ago she had her first of many birthdays. The year really has flown by. I still think of her as a baby. Her one year check up is this Friday and I know the doctor will say it's time to ditch the bottle. BUT I DON'T WANNA!!!! That means she's really not a baby.

She STILL isn't crawling. She is however pulling up on everything, no matter how un-sturdy the object is.

She likes to hit...a lot. She thinks it's hilarious. Telling her no only adds to her amusement. She also loves to throw things when she's mad. As soon as she sees she isn't going to get her way she throws herself backwards and has a fit. I'm looking forward to her terrible twos...not.

She is beautiful. Her eyes are so big and bright. Her squishy cheeks are just adorable. Her crazy hair is so pretty. I could stare at her all day.

We've had a battle returning to daycare. She has been sick more times than I can count. It sucks. Big time. In fact she was sick about a week ago and is now stuffy again. Daycare germs stay away!

She loves to go outside. She will point at the door several times a day and demand to go out. It's very cute. She LOVES mickey mouse. She likes music. She will bounce along to a song. She enjoys making a mess of course. Dumping things out of a bucket over and over again can entertain her for a long time. She really likes taking baths. Splashing is a lot of fun!

She sleeps all night long. As long as she's not sick she goes to bed around 7 and sleeps until I wake her up at 6. It is fantastic.


She is an amazing little girl and I am so blessed that she's mine. I can not imagine life without her.
It's strange to think that this time last year she was a brand new baby. Reading her birth story makes me tear up. I can't believe that was a year ago! I love her!!!!

Happy birthday Emily. Let's try to slow this second year down a bit...okay?

You can read Emily's birth story HERE. Gets me every time =(

11 Months ~ Emily

We now have two more weekends until Emily is one. I am in complete denial. I have picked a day for her birthday party but that's about it. Perhaps if I ignore it all together she won't actually turn one? If I pretend she's still a baby she'll stay a baby? I wish! Oh, how I wish! She is less and less a baby everyday and while I am excited to see her do new things my heart also breaks. As she learns these new skills she leaves behind some of my favorite things. I miss rocking her to sleep. I miss snuggling her while she sleeps. These days she lets us rock her a little bit but ends up preferring to lay in her bed to sleep. I miss her teeny tiny baby sounds. Now we have a VERY loud Emily.

She fills up the car seat! How????

Although I miss so many things, this stage is by far my favorite. She has been silly and giggly most of the time. She loves to hand us things. She likes to throw things...especially when she's mad. she does this awful thing where she throws herself backwards at the slightest inconvenience to her. She is very dramatic.

She still isn't crawling and prefers to pull herself everywhere. She is FAST! You have to watch her every. single. second. Her favorite things to "crawl" to of course are things she can't have. When you take it away she immediately has a meltdown. This chick is a drama queen.

She LOVES food. She eats absolutely anything we give her. I am always surprised by just how much she eats.


Her favorite thing to do is still swinging. She just loves it! She also likes music. She bobs her head and wiggles around. It really is the cutest thing. She LOVES to shake her head yes.  She is starting to understand what we are saying to her. If I say, "Do you want to eat?" she is definitely shaking her head yes lol. Clapping her hands and waving bye bye are new things as well. I can't get over how much she's changed!

I can't believe she has grown so fast. I knew it would happen. It just happened too fast. There is no rewind button. No pause. Only living in the moment and hoping to hang onto as many memories as I can. Her birthday will be here soon and this mommy will cry. My baby is turning into a little girl.

10 Months ~Emily

This has been Emily's biggest month so far. She has changed so much in just these few short weeks.

Emily had eye surgery last week. She had a clogged tear duct. It was a super fast simple procedure and her eye is already so much better. No more waking up with a gross goopy mess! She did fantastic.

We've pulled her from daycare and she will be staying with my mom and we get her into a better place. It was great for Noah when he was three but she is a baby who needs a LOT of sleep. The way they have things set up in the baby area just don't allow her to rest well enough. She naps twice a day for 2 hours at home. At this daycare she's sleeping 40 minutes to an hour once a day. While I love the ladies there it's just not working out.

She is VERY over dramatic about things. She has a big attitude. When she gets upset she likes to throw things, headbutt you, or hit. Fun stuff I tell you. She absolutely hates having her hair done. As soon as I start trying to pull her crazy curls out of her face she freaks out. She loves food and if she thinks even for a moment that the food is gone she has a tantrum. We are going to have our hands full when she's a toddler, I just know it.

Still no crawling. I think she's close though. She speeds across the floor by pulling herself. I'm amazed at how fast she is!

She interacts more with us now. It's so fun to see her personality come out more and more every day. She really loves to read books and she does this funny dance-bob-up and down thing when she hears music. She is so adorable!

She says Momma, Dadda, and Babba . We don't think she knows those words mean anything yet.

She is just a little ball of energy. I want to freeze time and hold onto my little baby a while longer.
It all happens way too fast =(

A new home

We have an accepted contract on a house!
Our new home!

The day began with breakfast and discussions of what we wanted in a home. I have prayed a lot about this home. I prayed it would be a smooth easy transaction. I prayed we wouldn't argue about what we wanted.I prayed for a home that felt like us. A cozy, happy, warm place.

After seeing several properties we put an offer in on the first one we saw. We actually went out to the house 3 times that day before we made a decision. It is perfect for us. It has everything on our checklist. I almost cried when we made the decision.

It is unfinished. I gave my husband the huge task of choosing our counter tops. That's trust right there lol. The builder had to know our counter choice right away and I wasn't able to leave work and go see the samples. Joey did a great job. We go pick the flooring on Saturday. It's all very exciting!

The kitchen is my favorite room in the house...obviously =)
It has TONS of cabinet space. It's open and bright. I love it so much!

Noah will have to change schools and Emily will have a new daycare. I know they'll need some time to adjust. We have an approximate closing date of September 29th. I know once we move in things will settle down more.


I took a few photos when we were out there last....

Part of the living room

Part of the living room

Kitchen

Dining area

Mommy Guilt

The guilt is heavy. It follows me out the door as I say goodbye to Noah and load Emily and her things into the car. It trails behind us as I drop her off at daycare. It seems to vanish a bit while I'm at work. I think that's because I'm so busy I don't have time to think about it. Then it's five and the guilt is there waiting for me. It sits beside me in the car as I race home to the kids. I feel awful that I'm not giving them ALL of my time.

It has been a huge adjustment. I've had to give up so much of my control over things. I'm no longer the one to help with homework. My husband is because he picks the kids up and gets home earlier. He's also taken over a lot of getting Emily ready in the morning. I just don't have time to get myself ready and her ready. I hate that during the week I have so little time with them. I do know me working is better for our family but it is going to take some more time to really get used to this new normal.


I was very lucky to stay home for 10 months with Emily. I wish I had more time but the reality is I need to work. Unless we don't want to eat...or have a house...or cars...  I'm also very lucky that I love my job and my coworkers.  Now I just need to find a good balance between my work life and my home life.


How do you other working moms do it? How do you find the balance?

I don't wanna!!!!!

Today is my last day as a stay at home mom and my heart is breaking. Although I know I'll like my job and the people there because I know them all and I've done this job before, I still want to scream, "I DON'T WANNA! I DON'T WANNA!"

I'm stressing out about how in the world I will manage to get everything done. There will be so little time when I get home for homework, dinner, cleaning, showers/baths, and bedtime.  How do you other working moms do this??? When I went back to work with Noah he was 3. It was a lot easier than this is. Emily is a baby and now there are TWO children to take care of.

I'm also mourning the loss of my mommy and Emily time. She was mine all mine all day every day. Now I turn her over to the daycare ladies. They are wonderful and loving but let's face it, they can't love her like I can. Plus there are lots of other babies to care for as well as Emily.

My brain is saying, "Ashley be reasonable. You have to do this. There isn't another option right now."
My heart is sobbing, "Shut up brain! We could just skip a few meals and maybe not make the car payment, do we really need two cars? Stay home!!!"

And now I'm off to prepare for work tomorrow. We'll see how this goes....